The one that should have happened yesterday!

Exploding lightbulbs and old people signing cheques were some of the highlights of yesterday. For once I got ahead of myself and managed to pop out into the real world for some lightbulbs. And a hand mixer. The hand mixer didnt pose any problems, and neither did the lightbulbs as one might be led to believe! On an average Monday, in a DIY store, how long would you think it would take to buy 4 lightbulbs. 2 minutes maybe. A minute some of you are saying? Nah, over 10 minutes.

Did the cashier have a smoke break, a lunch break, a shite break? Again, I got Nah. Some old man was buying 2 lights and was paying by cheque, in front of me. The total of the lights was around €25 and he was paying by cheque. A €25 cheque. It wouldnt be so bad, except he took for ever to write the damn thing. There was at least another 7 people behind me at this stage. A thought crossed my mind that we should all give a few quid and that way he wouldnt have had to write a cheque. Now I cant talk. I once bought a pack of batteries by credit card. €6.99 batteries to be exact. But the ATM machine in the shop wasnt working, so it was excusable. And anyway, it wasnt by cheque!

Australia Day is on Friday and all week on Cork Talks Back we will be celebrating by giving away €200 vouchers for Harvery Norman. Cheque (haha...funny isnt it) out the show tonight to win!

The one about Vanilla Pods and not much else!

For the last few nights Ive been asking the listeners about where to buy vanilla pods! Lots of you were suggesting Tesco or the English Market. Im a lazy sod and it was only last night I decided to wander into Tesco, after the show. I searched high and low for 10 minutes and eventually gave up fighting the manly "Dont ask for directions to anywhere and certainly dont ask where to find fucking vanilla pods" frame of mind. One poor chap, not sure where he was from, obviously popped his "Vanilla pod location in the store" cherry when he met me. He didnt seem to have a clue what I was on about, and to be honest, it didnt bother me. It wasnt as if I was asking for a frozen chicken or anything! He then asked me would it be found in the hardware section and this was the point I told him not to worry about it! I wandered around for another 20 minutes and eventually found them in the SPICE section! €2.38 for ONE. So I bought 3, ran to the self service checkout and bolted out the door. The next five minutes were spent in the car, in the rain, attempting to open one of the bottles. After eventually finding the serated seal, I spent a few minutes like some crazed junkie sniffing a vanilla pod, in the car, in the rain. So thats it! Vanilla pods have been found! All I need now, is to use them in something! Doh!

As mentioned in the title, theres not much else! Join me on the air later on from 9pm on Corks RedFM!

The one about nothing...really!

Another weekend disappears into history and another Monday goes by where the blog isn't updated! As per usual I could be handing out excuses as to why it isn't updated, but I wont bore you with bullshit!

Hollywood started patting itself on the back the other night with the Golden Globes! What follows is the winners on the night!

Picture, Drama: Babel

Actress, Drama: Helen Mirren, The Queen

Actor, Drama: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

Picture, Musical or Comedy: Dreamgirls

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan

Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed

Movie Screenplay: Peter Morgan, The Queen

Foreign Language: Letters From Iwo Jima, USA/Japan

Original Score: Alexandre Desplat, The Painted Veil

Original Song: The Song Of The Heart from Happy Feet

Animated Film: Cars

Television:

Series, Drama: Grey's Anatomy, ABC

Actress, Drama: Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Actor, Drama: Hugh Laurie, House

Series, Musical or Comedy: Ugly Betty, ABC

Actress, Musical or Comedy: America Ferrera, Ugly Betty

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Miniseries or movie: Elizabeth I, HBO

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Helen Mirren, Elizabeth I

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Bill Nighy, Gideon's Daughter

Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Emily Blunt, Gideon's Daughter

Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Jeremy Irons, Elizabeth I

Cecil B. DeMille Award: Warren Beatty

Its great to see Eddie Murphy get an award. While he hasn't and probably will never return to the days of Raw and Delirious its fantastic to see him back on the screen! Maybe there might be another Beverley Hills Cop left in him. Afterall if Stallone can do another Rocky at 110, surely Eddie can squeeze one more out! Scorsese gets another award, but will he manage an Oscar. Probably not. If theres anyone deserving of an Oscar its him, but with Dreamgirls and old man Eastwoods Flags of our Daddies (or whatever its called) things arent looking good!

Im leaving the country later on in the year, for the first time in donkeys! We're heading to the big apple for a break and its already grinding my balls into a mush that only a dog would eat . Ive found a few hotels, but Im so anal about making up my mind about which one to book. Out of curiosity has anyone reading this used hotels.com or expedia.co.uk to book a hotel. Ive read nothing but good things about them, but just curious to know if any of you have experience of them. Ive read a few things from some mad yanks who were complaining that there wasnt enough food in the hotel or something, but other than that Im a day or 2 away from making a click, click, shit me credit card balance is knackered again, decision! Ive been there before but this time her good self is in tow so Im trying to come up with stuff to do everyday and night! Which isnt proving too difficult! Im not sure how cheesy the Sopranos or the Sex and the City tours are, and to be honest tours arent my thing. I dont know do I fancy seeing the location where Tony Soprano once drive by in a car or a building where Carrie once saw a picture of it in a newspaper! Maybe Im not giving them enough credit! We'll see what happens! Im not particuarly looking forward to a 7 and bit hour flight. Not because I dont like flying or anything, but Im just generally an impatient person! The last time I fly to NY I thought I was going to crack up. Numerous trips to the toilet and wandering around an Airbus 320 didnt do much to pass the time! My ears never popped before we landed, so I spent the entire first 2 hours in Manhattan shouting at everyone! A few people have suggested sleeping tablets, but Im too impatient for them to kick in!

The one about......

Just noticed lots of new readers to the blog since yesterday. If you havent dropped by before, have a nose through the archives. You'll never know what you might find!

The one about last night!

There was a huge reaction last night to the topic, that made front page of yesterdays Echo. Over the last few years Ive covered the Enthusiast vs Boy Racer debate, quite a few times and it was quite refreshing to hear 99% of callers condem the ghoul that went through Jack Lynch at high speed. In particular the Enthusiasts were out in force last night all giving their views on the Boy Racer brigade. But then, as always, theres at least one clown.

One fool came on last night trying to convince people that it was good to "Drive on" and when he finally figured out in his little lump of grey matter that he wasnt getting anywhere, he decided to start reving the arse out of his "car". More than likely a 98 Fiat Punto with stick on Argos "Rims" and lets not forget the Nike Stripe down the side. No doubt there would be a few Celtic stickers on the back window and the interior would be painted in green and white emulsion. And lets not forget the ultimate boyracer accessory. The top lip tascher!

The video in question is only the tip of the iceberg. Theres even more of these clowns out there, who have videos on the net. It doesnt take a scientist to figure out how and where to find them. What amazes me is that these dopes, have the brains to select the video mode in their phone and its even more amazing that they can upload it onto the internet. Maybe this crowd are secret Mensa members. But the clever thing about it all is most of them are recognisable and their registrations are in full view. The Gardai must be extatic with their assistance. All in all, a bad day yesterday for the car enthusiasts. As Derek from driver.ie said last night, theres a change coming and it has to happen correctly, otherwise it'll mess things up for years. Heres hoping that change happens and these boy racing ghouls are erradicated sooner, rather than later. Then, the hard working car enthusiasts can be admired by all as opposed to the "There goes another one of them fuckin boy racers" comments!

On a different note, Im playing in Club Light in Mallow tonight. Doors 11:30pm. The blog could well be updated over the weekend, but thats unlikely. Normal random and "humourous" musings return on Monday afternoon!

The one with about the dopes

Im sure plenty of you have seen the front of the Echo by now or maybe you've come across the bebo flashbox located here

These 2, absolute, thick, fucking dopes in their piece of shit Skanger Banger going through the tunnel really need to have their heads decapitated in a horrific car accident. Id like to see their Mammies and Daddies try and have an open coffin then!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the last number of years on the show Ive tried so hard to distinguish the difference to both myself and the audience, of Car Enthusiast's and Boy Racers. After this latest bout of thickshit headedness, its after really screwing things up for the enthusiast. Those of you who have spent an fortune doing your car up, from alloys to DVD players etc.etc. will now be put back into the same category as these clowns. Any young driver will now, again, be painted with the same brush. The RedFM Brake the Cycle campaign is targeting the boy racer brigade and for anyone still wondering what a boyracer is, the video on the link above gives a pretty good example. To sum up in my opinion, a boy racer is

a) Normally some young, inexperienced, stupid dope with at least one prison term in front of them
b) Drives a piece of shit that looks like a complete and utter piece of shit
c) Drives the piece of shit like its a race car

On the other hand the enthusiast is

a) Between 21 and 30
b) Drives a decent car, normally modified with better suspension and brakes than the average car
c) Drives the decent car the way it should be driven, because the car and the modifications cost so much and driving the arse out of it will require another mortgage

Maybe some of the comments about the boyracer breakdown might sound a bit harsh, but stupid is a word that comes up all the time. How stupid and I mean really fucking stupid, would you have to be to drive through the Jack Lynch tunnel at such a speed. Its CCTV land. Then post it on the net, on bebo under his own name. Apparently this individual is a student in UCC. How the fuck did he get in there? It wont take long for the Gardai to nail this ghoul onto the wall and no doubt the insurance company are looking forward to adding 10 grand at least onto a renewal policy! There wasnt this much evidence against Saddam!
These dopes need to be taken off the road and taken off the road really quickly. Banned from driving for life would be a suitable sentence, although, personally, Id prefer to see their heads come off in some horrific accident!

The one about Anal Sex with Kylie

Christmas has been and gone, as has New Years! Not the best Xmas Ive had, for reasons I wont go into here and at this stage, Im glad its gone! I was playing in Marikibo on New Years Eve, but I was fortunate enough to convince Ger to come with me, so I wasnt left on me todd on the 2 minutes of Auld Langsye, or however you spell it!!!

On a completely different note, Im not a huge fan of Kylie Minogue but she did wake me up this morning. I seemed to be dreaming of Kylie and ended up having anal sex with her, which was all very vivid. Lube and everything. The moral of this quick tale is, there are worse things that could wake you up! Now that I think about it some more, I shouldnt be posting it on the blog, but deleting the whole thing at this stage is to much effort!

For any regular readers out there, the blog will crawl back into normality this week, as my brain slowly but surely come out of hibernation! As I peek out the window, I see God is pissing on me garden again! Its bucketing down. At this stage, Im nearly sure anytime I wash the car, it has an effect on the weather! I washed and waxed on Saturday and Saturday afternoon I done the same with the car. Within an hour of the car being spruced up, down comes the Holy Pee! It hasnt stopped since! From now on, I wont be washing the car anymore and with some divine intervention, the rain will stop!

The one about Brake The Cycle

Happy New Year! Yes I know its the 9th of the month, but upon gazing back at the vast amount of updates over the holidays, I noticed there was no New Years Greetings! Before I get down to moaning or whatever, heres some pics from last nights Brake The Cycle launch, compliments of Phils blog.










There was a fantastic response on the show to Brake The Cycle last night! Lots of callers and texts were of the sentiment "We've taken the foot off the pedal a bit" after hearing the ads and the interviews! Hopefully this will save lives! Its a different approach, compared to other road safety campaigns and after doing road safety on the show from various angles, over the years I think this will have very positive results. At the end of the day (NOT in a Keano accent) Drive like an Idiot, Die like an idiot! Its simple really!!!!!

The one with another bullshit excuse

I know a good lot of people were checking on the blog today, but due to reasons outside my control I couldnt get around to updating it! Apologies to all.....ten of you......well a few more than that! Big one tomorrow...and an update too!

The one with sweet F-A in it!

Im back on the air tonight and will return to normal blogging from Monday, or possibly the weekend!