Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Another Top 5 update and thats it really. Still feel like absolute crap, the only time it seems to disappear is when I go on air. Got to see Closer over the weekend, not a bad movie but then again not amazing either. Granted, Natalie Portman prances around in next to nothing for some of it.

Another problem I seem to be having (yes the list is endless) is that I cant seem to find a bloody diary anywhere. So if anyone knows where in Cork, drop me a mail.

Overs and Outers!

Top 5 update

Late N Live Top 5 signs you have a bad accountant (14/3/05)

5 – When you ask about how much tax youll be paying he just laughs and hands you his bill

4 – Keeps insisting that a nine is the same as a six ,only its upside down

3 – Hes supposes to be a member of the chartered accounts but the closet he could get is chartered planes for accountants

2 – When filling out your form, asks, "What color crayon should I use?"

1 – The calculator hes been using is actually a remote control for the TV

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in an expensive restaurant (15/3/05)

5 – Can I recommend one of our low-fat salads, Tubby?

4 – We’re legally obliged to tell you not to eat the oysters

3 – Sir, the chef would like to inform you that he has not sneezed in your meal, he might have done other things, but he hasn’t sneezed in it

2 – Oh for Christs sake, how hard is it to kill a cow

1 – Im sorry Sir, the restaurant is just closed. The tainiaste has just left

Late N Live Top 5 punchlines to dirty irish jokes (16/3/05)

5 – So he asked for a sheep and a pair of wellies

4 – Keep looking -- I know there's a shamrock in there somewhere.

3 – That's not the Blarney Stone, but don't stop kissing it

2 – Its not lord of the dance, its lord of my pants

1 – Here's one snake St. Patrick didn't chase out of Ireland

Late N Live Top 5 things overheard during the cork st.patricks day celebrations (17/03/05)

5 – So whered you get the ride me Im irish t-shirt

4 – Puke sound effects…..

3 – That’s great, I haven’t seen any drunk teenagers in oh about 6 minutes

2 – I cant remember the last time I saw so many people on Patrick Street without knives and glass bottles

1 – Look at the size of that float, it’s as big as the tanaiste…oh hang on it is the tanaiste

Late N Live Top 5 signs your watching a bad Disney movie (22/3/05)

5 – The little mermaid

4 – You keep thinking to yourself “Did Minnie get implants”

3 – Theres pop ups in the latest computer animated movie

2 – Mickey Shouts “Oh my God they killed Goofy”

1 – Theres about 5 or 6 dalmations…tops

Late N Live Top 5 signs your top 5 list is crap (22/3/05)

5 – Number 5 is never really funny

4 – Two of the jokes are the same

3 – This one can be funny on occasion, but not tonight

2 – Two of the jokes are the same

1 – Its called Top 5 signs your Top 5 list is crap

Late N Live Top 5 things overheard at the Michael Jackson trial today (23/03/05)

5 – Yod think hed leave that damn monkey at home, its after biting 3 people

4 – So he came in pajamas the other day, now he arrives wearing a tutu

3 – Support the Michael Jackson legal fund, get your kids photo with Michael only 30 dollars

2 – He seems to be feeling a lot better, hang on get the kid away from him

1 – I came all this way to see Michael Jackson and all I got was Diana Ross

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone selling easter eggs (24/3/05)

5 – Sure why would I sell ya hot cross buns, you got your own

4 – We assure you that the chickens have been removed from all of the eggs

3 – Ya I know, the box is broke, its out of date..but cmon its still choclate

2 – Sorry sold out love, we just shipped off all our stock for some kids party at the neverland ranch

1 – I swear, the easter bunny laid them

Late N Live Top 5 Lifeguard pick up lines (28/3/05)

5 – Im certified me as a fully trained love machine

4 – I used be a stunt double for David Hasselhoff

3 – Cellulite, doesn’t bother me

2 – Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look coughing seawater out of your lungs?

1 – Its not just the Surf that’s up