Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Another problem I seem to be having (yes the list is endless) is that I cant seem to find a bloody diary anywhere. So if anyone knows where in Cork, drop me a mail.
Overs and Outers!
Late N Live Top 5 signs you have a bad accountant (14/3/05)
5 – When you ask about how much tax youll be paying he just laughs and hands you his bill
4 – Keeps insisting that a nine is the same as a six ,only its upside down
3 – Hes supposes to be a member of the chartered accounts but the closet he could get is chartered planes for accountants
2 – When filling out your form, asks, "What color crayon should I use?"
1 – The calculator hes been using is actually a remote control for the TV
Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in an expensive restaurant (15/3/05)
5 – Can I recommend one of our low-fat salads, Tubby?
4 – We’re legally obliged to tell you not to eat the oysters
3 – Sir, the chef would like to inform you that he has not sneezed in your meal, he might have done other things, but he hasn’t sneezed in it
2 – Oh for Christs sake, how hard is it to kill a cow
1 – Im sorry Sir, the restaurant is just closed. The tainiaste has just left
Late N Live Top 5 punchlines to dirty irish jokes (16/3/05)
5 – So he asked for a sheep and a pair of wellies
4 – Keep looking -- I know there's a shamrock in there somewhere.
3 – That's not the Blarney Stone, but don't stop kissing it
2 – Its not lord of the dance, its lord of my pants
1 – Here's one snake St. Patrick didn't chase out of Ireland
Late N Live Top 5 things overheard during the cork st.patricks day celebrations (17/03/05)
5 – So whered you get the ride me Im irish t-shirt
4 – Puke sound effects…..
3 – That’s great, I haven’t seen any drunk teenagers in oh about 6 minutes
2 – I cant remember the last time I saw so many people on Patrick Street without knives and glass bottles
1 – Look at the size of that float, it’s as big as the tanaiste…oh hang on it is the tanaiste
Late N Live Top 5 signs your watching a bad Disney movie (22/3/05)
5 – The little mermaid
4 – You keep thinking to yourself “Did Minnie get implants”
3 – Theres pop ups in the latest computer animated movie
2 – Mickey Shouts “Oh my God they killed Goofy”
1 – Theres about 5 or 6 dalmations…tops
Late N Live Top 5 signs your top 5 list is crap (22/3/05)
5 – Number 5 is never really funny
4 – Two of the jokes are the same
3 – This one can be funny on occasion, but not tonight
2 – Two of the jokes are the same
1 – Its called Top 5 signs your Top 5 list is crap
Late N Live Top 5 things overheard at the Michael Jackson trial today (23/03/05)
5 – Yod think hed leave that damn monkey at home, its after biting 3 people
4 – So he came in pajamas the other day, now he arrives wearing a tutu
3 – Support the Michael Jackson legal fund, get your kids photo with Michael only 30 dollars
2 – He seems to be feeling a lot better, hang on get the kid away from him
1 – I came all this way to see Michael Jackson and all I got was Diana Ross
Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone selling easter eggs (24/3/05)
5 – Sure why would I sell ya hot cross buns, you got your own
4 – We assure you that the chickens have been removed from all of the eggs
3 – Ya I know, the box is broke, its out of date..but cmon its still choclate
2 – Sorry sold out love, we just shipped off all our stock for some kids party at the neverland ranch
1 – I swear, the easter bunny laid them
Late N Live Top 5 Lifeguard pick up lines (28/3/05)
5 – Im certified me as a fully trained love machine
4 – I used be a stunt double for David Hasselhoff
3 – Cellulite, doesn’t bother me
2 – Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look coughing seawater out of your lungs?
1 – Its not just the Surf that’s up