Monday, July 31, 2006


We were so busy with Get it off your Chest last night, that I didnt manage to get anything off my Chest. Yesterday afternoon, I was driving home from another tasty Sunday lunch cooked by my mother. A Honda Civic (what else!!!) was driving in front of me, manned by 5 "lads". Those of you who didnt stay in bed all day yesterday, due to a bad night before, will have been well aware of how humid the place was. In the back of the Civic (again I say what else?) were 3 lads, all more or less sitting too close to each other. One was wearing a hoody, with the hood up, in the back of a Honda Civic. It made me laugh, normally its the driver that has the hood up, in a Honda Civic (What else). In my miniscule collection of clothing there are at least 1 hoody. I wear it now and again, and on occasion, when its bucketing down I put the hood up. I have alot of time on my hands, and I spent the best part of the last 24 hours, quandering over why some "lad" would want to wear a hoody, with the hood up in the back of a Civic. The Civic has long been the staple insurance struggle for the boy racer, not car enthusiast. The wearing of ones hood in an upright manner, in the back of a Civic, may well be percieved to be cool amongst the 18" spinning rim, 92 Opel Corsa owners. So for Christs sake, if theres any other "lads" out there who enjoy wearing a hoody, with the hood up in a car, make sure your the bloody driver.

On Saturday afternoon I took a trip to Mallow, with the loved one. After wandering around I have to say I was suitably impressed. Parts of Mallow have been completely redeveloped, in particular where the Pizza Hut and Subway are. The only problem was, when we decided that it was time to embark on the journey home, I took a wrong turn. Now I know some of you are saying "How hard can it be to get back to Cork city from Mallow?" Its simple really. I took a wrong turn and ended up on the Dairygold raceway. It wasnt long though, before I realised I was on the right road to Cork, but I might never see Shandon again. 2 Dairygold trucks had the foot to the floor, nearly wiping me and some other hapless motorists off the road. All in a 50kmh zone. I dont know whether they had a bet on, their dinner was getting cold or if they had left the emersion on (inspired joke from Desmod Bishop). Dont trucks have limiters? Either way, Im not sure who won the race, but the milk they were carrying would have been turned into a nice buttery like substance.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Another Friday rolls in!

Another week over, another pay packet arrives in the bank and another load of bills sorted out (I hope). Its been a long week for some reason or another, that I cant be bothered delving into. This is the first weekend in I dont know how long that theres not some "social gathering" going on, be that weddings, dinner parties or funerals. Im looking forward to just doing nothing. Speaking of, theres a humid cloud in the house, almost like the volcanic one that was in Pompei.

That Friday feeling, yes the one thats endorsed by Cadbury, doesnt seem to be around today. The whole place seems grey, as a matter of fact it feels like a November Thursday. Maybe its me, but walking around Midleton earlier on, the vibe seems to be the same. I havent heard or looked at the news today, so maybe some major head of state somewhere has been caught without a parachute on a parachute jump, and we're all mourning. The previously mentioned humid cloud is after penetrating my head, more than likley through my nostrils. Is it the idiotic drivers around East Cork? One I came across today, seemed to think he was driving some form of road going Airbus. He obviously needed 2 lanes for the wings of his pothole pounding aircraft. Im sure the wings hit the walls around Fota. Maybe its the tourists meandering around the place, with the "Oh Its Ireland, its gonna be wet" look upon their faces. If they wanted bloody sunshine, they should have went where the entire population of Cork goes....Santa Ponsa.

The one saving grace of today so far, was the Ninety Nine Knights demo for the 360, on Xbox Live. There is a staggering amount of action in this game, with more things running around than in the vast pubic regions of brothel employees. The thing is tough though, I can only last about 5 minutes in the game. Just as well Im not in that brothel then. At least the game is free.

Anyway, Im going off to be more miserable! Have a good weekend, and dont forget Get it off your chest Sunday, this Sunday from 10

Oh yeah, one last thing...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Im late today, so there shall be no posting until I get the results of the test a bit behind, update to follow llaaaaaaaaattttteeeerrrrrrrrrr...apologies to all!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted
a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a
friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed
through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons
to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre,
to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur.

No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit.

The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly
140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red
lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up
real one-way streets.

Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was
arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the
film went underground until a DVD release a few years ago.

All I have to say is, what a way for the pigeons to go. Beats colliding with a telephone wire any day!

From a Listener

From last night! Thanks John ;)

Send your camera phone pics to

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Again, dont bother asking!

A trip down (or is it up, maybe its out) to Bandon was required early this morning. Had to have a quick check on the new car, and Im told tis all normal. Besides feeling like a fool (a reassured fool none the less) I got to take a wander around Bandon itself for around an hour and a bit. I havent been wandering around there in years, and I have to say its very like Cork city center. Buggys rule the footpaths, screaming kids and big ass hoop ear rings abound. Either way I enjoyed the romp around the land of Graham Norton. I even found a savage pair of shoes for 20 quid. Granted, I didnt buy them, because as much as I fitted into them, I would be crippled by now. Theres fitting in and theres squeezing in. How do the women do it all the time. Well check 10 womens feet, in particular their baby toe. I gurantee at least 9 of them well have a crushed, almost smashed baba toe. Why, becuase they want to squeeze into a smaller size shoe. So I decided to leave my feminine side at home.

Before we went off the air last night, I was speaking briefly about the mad strawberry sellers. Well, there was only one purveyor of the red fruit on the way to Bandon this morning. I had hoped to see the sign "Wexford Strawberries for Sale Ahead", but alas no I didnt. All I got was some sign that read "Strawberries 200M" and after travelling at least a mile I finally spotted the seller, who as per usual like the rest of them like quite fed up and pissed off. A tape measure would have been handy though, for the seller to get the signage distant correct. I know its only a small thing, but it all helps. God forbid some large American would pull in after 200 meters and get lost looking for the Strawberry seller!

On a final note, the Peta crowd are saying we should be feeding our pets vegetarian dishes. I can appreciate that Pam Anderson goes naked for those lunatics, but they should all be locked up. Im off to have a BEEF STIR FRY!!!! READ THAT PETA PEOPLE!


Monday, July 24, 2006

What is it with people in shops. More so the customers after they get their change. Why must they fumble about with the change and the reciept like a chimp whos got a shiny new toy. Just yesterday, a crisis struck in the house. No milk and no diluting orange (Im off the fizzy stuff, well trying to). I battled with motorists to get to the shop, endured toenail melting heat and managed to pick up the bread and the orange quicker than George Michael got caught fumbling around with that 58 year old van driver. Yet I had to stand behind some fecker who spent more time rooting around in his wallet trying to find the money to pay for whatever he was buying. He spent even more time rooting around, making room to put the change back in. But why do it at the counter, and why hold me up in the process. There should be signs up in shops stating "Please step away from the counter as soon as you get your change. No loitering!!!!" I spent more time standing around behind this guy than wandering around the shop and driving up there. If you have to root around in your wallet, things are probably tough, I know. I root more than a tree, but at least I do it in a comfortable, quiet, private place. Not in front of the fecking counter!!!!!!

It was nice to have a night off last night, particualry after spending the last 2 weeks in bed. Well actually it wasnt. Got to see the second last episode of the the current series of Top Gear and that was about it. I decided to take the new car for a spin and spent the next 2 hours trying to find a loud rattle. Was it the bones of some small animal I rolled over? Was it someone in the boot? Was it one of the corpus christi crew casting a spell? Either way it was none of the above, and I couldnt figure it out. This got the blood boiling, but soon had to came down as I didnt want to be paying any more visits to the South Infirmary. Same thing again this morning. Maybe it was the 10 hours sleep I got last night, but I figured out that my sunglasses were loose in the sunglasses holder. Why it sounded like something in the glove box will go down as one of the many of histories amazing mysteries.

According to some website, that I cant be bothered cutting and pasting there is 73% humidity in Cork today. This feels accurate enough for my liking. While theres no toenail melting sunshine, the humidity is worse as far as Im concerned. Im stuck here in boxer shorts and a t-shirt contemplating sitting in the fridge for an hour. While the sunshine puts most of us in a good mood, the humidity is enough for me to go back to South Infirmary. I cant stand it! I know it could be worse, we could be living in France and be terrified of dying from the heat. 23 people dead so far, and the French Government are saying it they wont allow thousands to die like it did in 2003. If I were in France right now, Id be after robbing a big Air Con unit, and like He-Man, battle off the heat wave with a big Air Con machine.

Anyway thats enough of my moaning, Im off to find BattleCat!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

An update on a Sunday

If Im writing this on a Sunday it means one of 2 things. Im either bored, or I wont be updating it for months. Slightly bored, if truth be told and the fact that Im not on air tonight assists in that as well. So a little later on, tune in for some of the best bits of Cork Talks Back. Sundays are a funny ol day. Right about now, theres plenty of people running around the house, not this house but other houses. The women are looking for the right hat, the men looking for the right tie and the children hiding under the bed not wanting to go. Yes, Sunday mass is here again, in about 15 minutes for the 11 service. Im not taking on the religious crew again, particuarly after my recent scare, but I can remember the Sunday morning routine, with the hiding, the crying and the bribing. You know the style of bribing that a 9 year old can produce. "Ill clean my room every day, 300 hundred times a day for the next million years if we dont go to mass this morning." Then, the local church decided to do Saturday night mass, and that was a whole different ball game. As far as I was concerned, Saturday nights were always going to be ruined. Mass and that was it! When things start growing and hair comes out of places that you think it shouldnt, going to Mass on a Saturday night was the place to go, for a teenager who wasnt allowed outside the door.

Those were the days, I would don my dads leather jacket, a shirt, a pants and slick back my then, long hair. I would adpot a position at the back of the church, much to my mothers disappointment, like a holier than thou version of the Fonz. Remember I had the leather jacket! Back in those days, the church going talent was savage. Did I ever pull? during the service, nah. Nope. Never. It wasnt from the fact of trying. Now that I think about it, there was always a really good looking girl, who would stand at the back of the church, close enough to smell my dads Old Spice...or on really special occasions Brut! Being inexperienced with females at the time, I didnt see the signs, let alone read them. She was older, more experienced and was allowed to go out in town. I, on the other hand was younger, stupid and wasnt allowed to go out on the main road. She looked as bored as I did, at the back of that church. Not that I could do anything about that. So maybe the church does bring people together, but as per usual Im the exception. Still though, the Old Spice, the slicked back hair AND the leather jacket have more than likely been etched in her mind, forever.

Being off the air of a Sunday night, is quite a bizarre feeling. Its like a Lion going up to a Zebra and asking for a cup of sugar, instead of ripping its stomach out through its arse. Sunday is now an official lazy day when Im not on the air. No prep, no writing, no nothing for me to do. Come to think of it, I should be still in bed, but the times Im off the air seem to stir the "Get up early and get bloody value for your day" mood. So the urge to get value for the day is running through my veins. I have this weird thing, if Im not up and out of bed before 11 on a work day, the day is over and I have no free time. Also, for me to be in front of a TV of a Sunday night, has the same bizarreness as the Lion looking for a cup of sugar. It just doesnt happen. So tonight, Ill take in Top Gear.........and that'll be that. Sundays are supposed to be a lazy day anyway, but I cant relax. I was told I have to learn to relax, which is like telling a Lion to ask a Zebra for a cup of sugar. Anyways, Im rambling too much now, so Im out the gap!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Anger has always been an issue for me. Well not really anger, more of a short fuse when it comes to the temper. Maybe thats the same thing, but dont get me pissed off about it!
Ive broken Windows, put holes in walls and obliterated Cheetah 125+ Joysticks. Some people are placid, some are normal and others are mental like me.

We did an anger management course last night on air for the listeners, where with an official test, ripped out of a magazine, we were able to determine whether or not they had an anger problem. If they did, it was well advised that they go off and seek an anger management course! Just today I came across the following tips on controlling your anger...

  • Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

  • Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

  • Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

  • Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
All the above are all well and good, if your somewhat sane. But if your like me and occasionally take a hammer to a large cardboard box, then chances are your blood is bubbling away like a pot of spaghetti about now. On the serious side though, one caller came on the air and admitted he had a really serious problem with anger. He had ended up in prison, put his partner in hospital and much more besides, and alot of it was drink related. Great guy, and it was great to hear such honesty on the air. I did feel though that there was no point in giving him the test, we gave other listeners.

Something that I had got into my head to start last night, completely slipped my mind. The population is down in the city by 3.2%, and its up in the county. Basically this means that either the city crowd are

a) Not having as much sex as they used to

b) Are having more sex, but have bought shares in Durex

c) They've all became gay

On the other hand, the county is up which means that

a) They're having more sex

b) They're all bisexual

c ) They've sold their shares in Durex to the city crowd

What Im proposing is, given the facilities in the station, or more so the size of the car park where the station is located, Im inviting people to come out there late at night. Not for sex mind, but to concieve. Only city folk shall be granted access to the car park, because after all the city population is down. On occasion when Ive left the station Ive witnessed a few acts of conception going on in bushes or cars parked in darkly lit areas. Maybe these brave people have realised the population is down, regardless of the Census, and wanted to do something about it. What they fail to realise is, you cant get a bun in the oven, through your mouth! More details shall be revealed later on this evening, on the show. Just on a final note, myself and my good producer Dave Mac, are vowing to bare witness to as many conceptions as possible!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Dont Ask

Cork Talks Back Producer by night...god knows what by day...Magdelene Sister maybe......

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Wind from the ESE (110 degrees) at 12 MPH (10 KT) (direction variable)

Visibility greater than 7 mile(s)

Temperature 75 F (24 C)

Dew Point 59 F (15 C)

Relative Humidity 57%

Pressure (altimeter) 30.09 in. Hg (1019 hPa)

I dont know what much of the above means, but its something to do with the weather in Cork today, at around 13:30! I understand the temperature thing, while I always get confused between the F and the C I can figure out 75F is fairly hot, as is 24 C. Same thing really! The other stuff I have no understanding of, well with one exception. For many moons I have had a unique understanding of the humidity, or in the above case Relative Humidity. Todays is 57%, which means that its 57% more difficult to do anything strenuous. Which means its a good excuse. Either way I think the above figures are wrong, and it wouldnt be the first time either. Earlier on I ventured outside for my daily bout of exercise and upon my returning, dragging the dog who cant take the heat at all, I decided to remove the super bugs from bug country off the car. The lightly dampened sponge started to boil, my hands got burnt and the neighbours must have thought I was after going mad! I can appreciate that we get shite weather most of the year, which is all well and good but surely a few weeks of scalding sunshine doesnt make up for it. Its like the weather man in the sky is going "Oh shite, I forgot about Cork for the last 9 months, Ill make it up to em. Turn up the heat, stoke them coals!!!" Before you know it theres hundreds and thousands of us running around with right armed tans and bubbling bald spots. It also doesnt help that most of us go a bright red and stick out like sore thumbs walking around.

And another thing, theres plenty of people out there who think they have to go on a sunbed so the neighbours, or god forbid the tourists think that we live in a miserable wet climate. Its the same with the thousands of Corkonians who flock off to major Sun destinations in the next couple of weeks. Well, Santa Ponsa or the Canaries. As I write many of them are applying gallons of fake tan and crisping away under a sunbed. Yet most of em are paying €299 to go on a SUN HOLIDAY TO GET A FUCKING TAN! Or maybe its just a top up tan! Dont forget to pack the Celtic Jersey, the white shorts and bog roll! I know so many people who go off on a "Sun" Holiday and they bring their own toilet paper. All year round, they're scraping the arse with the cheapo loo roll, but when it comes to the Santa Ponsa trip no expense is spared. Its quilted all the way and theres a picture of a puppy on the package. What do some people think the Santa Ponsians wipe their holes with, or is the perception that they just go around wiping their arse on a patch of grass!

Chances are theres somebody reading this going "Era for Christs Sake, the wan bit of sunshine we're getting and hes off moaning about it". Tell me, whats good about it. You sweat like a pig, you cant breathe, your skin starts peeling, you could get skin cancer, the steering wheel in the car is on fire and so on and so forth. See nothing good about it. As a matter of fact for the last 2 weeks of this scalding weather there has been a fan on in our bedroom for 9 hours a night, at least. Its so humid, the windows are open and the fan is up to the second speed. No doubt theres a man in the ESB rubbing his hands and making the arrangements to get my next ESB bill delivered by Securicor. Maybe theres are one or 2 good things about the heat. People wear less, and after you dry off the sweat when you wake up, your generally in a good mood. Take this morning for example. Walking, make that thundering up the road, dog in hand I spotted a topless individual sunbathing in a green area. I was at a distance but I could still see tits, now they might have been male tits but as far as Im concerned there was somebody sunbathing with tits ahoy in a green area near where I live!

It was great to be back on the air last night, albeit a bit weird, but the groove was found after about 40 minutes and off we went! Anyways, off I go now...time for another walk ;)

Monday, July 17, 2006

Alive and Kicking

2 weeks ago this Wednesday I didnt think Id be around updating this blog, but all is well. The new health kick has kicked in like getting run over by a herd of elephants. Ok, theres been the occasional slip up..make that a few actually. A feed of Lennoxs, KFC and Pizza Hut, not all at once but spread over the last 2 weeks. A few beers and thats about it. Hang on, there was also 2 breakfast rolls and a 2 BBQs. The more I think about it there was Eddie Rockets as well. No before my doctor reads this, in all likely hood he wont, as hes one of the 2 finger typists all this bad eating was the only eating on that day. I have no excuses for the above lapses, but I have been exercising like a guy running away from a herd of really pissed off elephants. Its all about elephants today for some reason. The specialist, didnt mention much about my diet, but more about getting out and exercising. And Ive walked every day for the last 2 weeks, dragging the poor dog behind me. Im trying to keep the stress levels down as well, and with that I have a nice stress pain in hte back of me neck as I type. Maybe its that, back to work blues, as the last week I was off was a week of holidays. To be honest it was a week of recouperating more than anything, a few drives here and there in the new car and that was it!

Anyways, all the juicy bits will come out on tonights show, including why I thought I was dead!
Check it from 9pm!!!!

Vic is back TONIGHT!!!

Vic is back on the air tonight from 9pm only on Corks RedFM 104-106!!!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

A quick one

Again, many thanks to all of you for the get well wishes. As of last Thursday, Im officially on holidays. I wont be back on the air until this day week, the 17th. Im still waiting to find out if or when Im going to get a camera shoved down my throat. The health is good, granted Im still getting tired a bit too easily, but other than that, and a feckin pain in me throat Im feeling good. So thats it for now, the full story of what happened will be recounted when I come back on air. It will be then that the blog will kick off again!

Thanks for dropping by!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

THE update

I have to keep this shortish but before I explain what happened, thank you all so very much for all the get well texts, emails and calls over the last few days!

Last Wednesday is a day that I will never ever, ever, EVER forget! I woke up at around 8am with an almighty crushing, heavy pain in the middle of my chest. After a few seconds, I felt I was in serious trouble. As a matter of fact I thought I was going to die! Ger woke up and sprang into action and convinced me to go to hospital. Yes, I needed convincing. All I wanted was to see a doctor. She rang my parents, and my Dad came with us. I ended up in the South Infirmary by around 8:45, with no color in me, the pain still ripping through me and out of breath. Throughout the journey to the hospital it felt as if my life was flashing before my eyes, again I was still in the mindset that I was dying. I kept thinking what will happen to Ger, my parents, the house even the dog if I kick the bucket. By around lunchtime the doctors had advised me to stay in for a few days, and against their advice I signed myself out much to everyones disapointment. I went to see my own GP that night, as advised and he was none too happy. He wanted me to get admitted, but again I refused. I had to go for a Stress Test this morning which was one of the most uncomfortable experiences Ive had in some time. I wouldnt be known for running many marathons and the treadmill getting steeper and faster every 3 minutes, completely left me shattered. Thankfully my heart has got the ok since this morning. I may still have to get more tests, including a camera into the gob, but my heart is fine.

Personally, I feel absolutely shagged. Its been a draining week. My holidays kick off from the show this Thursday, and after arguing (again) with the head honchos at the station about coming back to work tonight, they convinced me to stay the "Fuck out of the place". While I greatly appreciate the sentiment, that show means a helluva lot and as some of you know, I despise taking holidays. Either way, Im not going to back on the air until the 17th of July. Im keeping away from the PC, started exercising, watching the diet, not getting stressed out as a matter of fact, its a whole new life from now on in. I have no choice, simple as that. Last Wednesday was a wake up call from a severley pissed off bull elephant. So thats me done. Again my sincere thanks to all the staff at the South Infirmary, some of them were even fans of the show! My sincere thanks to Ger and my parents, the only loves of my life. My thanks to Dave Mac for filling in, I know its tough. My thanks to Don and Eimear for producing. My thanks to Colm for everything. Seriously folks, thank you all so, so, so much for all the kind words and wishes, it means so much and has helped put a major smile on my face!

Thank YOU!