Monday, March 14, 2005

Hopefully I wont be leaving this go a month or longer before I update it again. Im not even sure how many people read these things, but just in case ;)

Things have been busy, busy, busy over the last few weeks. The new ratings book came out and Im up, and well up. So Im a happy camper then, although they'll be no sitting on laurels or arses. Onwards and upwards!!!!! I dont know why, but I bought a Sony PSP. Great yoke altogether and as I write this Im waiting for another game to arrive. The post person is outside now so hang on a minute. Ill check back tomorrow!

Big Bloody Top 5 Update

Late N Live Top 5 thing you don’t want to hear from a Guard (3/2/05)

5 – The last time I saw someone go that fast I was on the vice squad

4 – Sorry you couldn’t drive by again could ya, I got mixed up with me hairdryer

3 – My name is Jon and this is my partner Ponch

2 – Last wan to the next set of lights eats rotten cabbage

1 – How about you pull me over

Late N Live Top 5 signs your not getting on with your collegues (7/2/05)

5 – Simple ,you own your own company but don’t have any employees

4 – You prefer to drink out of everyone elses mug except your own

3 – Things have never been the same since that incident involving Sheila from accounts, you and a pair of rubber gloves

2 – Not even the gay guy would give you some love at the last work party

1 – If somebody dies in the job your not invited to the funeral

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone making pancakes (8/2/05)

5 – What dya mean pancakes I thought you were after making a pizza

4 – Don’t mind me im only squeezing the juice onto it

3 – You bring new meaning to the saying, flat as a pancake

2 – We could think of nothing for number 2

1 – Any chance youd give me a hand to toss it

Late N Live Top 5 things you learn by being sick (10/2/05)

5 – You’ve perfected the gag reflex

4 – The internet is rubbish

3 – Day time TV sucks

2 – When you go, you really go

1 – You know how it feels to be a supermodel every morning

Late N Live Top 5 signs you had a bad Valentines day (15/2/05)

5 – You were single!

4 – You got a nice furry bear, granted it was in a gay bar

3 – The only valentines card you got was taken back after the postman delievered it to the wrong address

2 – You came home wearing a pair of knickers that read “Property of Mount Joy”

1 – You get a phone call wondering where one can purchase a pregnancy kit

Late N Live Top 5 signs that you are in a bad relationship (16/3/05)

5 – You got a mass card instead of a valentines card

4 – Your partner thinks batter burgers are for battering you across the head

3 – When you ask is my dinner ready, you get the reply “Yes it is, don’t mind those tablet looking peas, they’re good for ya”

2 – You share the same prison cell

1 – Your husband comes home with a new dress for you and another one for himself

Late N Live Top 5 things that Anne Doyle would never say on the news (17/2/05)

5 – That’s the news, Ill be hear tomorrow if I can be bothered

4 – Honey Ill be home soon, warm up the bed

3 – That Sky news Ireland crowd can Bite me

2 – Good Evening, this is the six one news, ah feck it I cant be bothered

1 – I made that last story up

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in the office on a Monday morning (21/2/05)

5 – Is that vodka in the water cooler

4 – Line up, line up…its P45 time, whos first

3 – The manager wont be in today because hes dead, tomorrow is a day off for the funeral

2 – You don’t want to hear anything really, you just want to go back to sleep at your desk

1 – How many times have we told you, stop photocopying your ass on the weekend

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in a beauty saloon (22/2/05)

5 – Ohh, a lock of your hair! I'll treasure it forever

4 – Ill just check to see if we can actually wax your ears

3 – Glad to see you got that lice condition sorted out

2 –It's been three whole days since one of our customers got their ear clipped of

1 – I used to have skin like that too…when I was a man

Late N Live Top 5 signs that the internet is having an effect on your relationship (23/2/05)

5 – Your partner has bought a digital camera and wants you to star in his own website!!!!

4 – When you say something funny, he gets a pen and paper and rights LOL

3 – The only way you can get some loving is by asking him to download on you!

2 – Hes getting surgery so his face can look more like one of them smiley faces

1 – There nothing you can do to get rid of them damn popups

Late N Live Top 5 things over heard at the Meteors (24/2/05)

5 – Oh no, a free 085 phone

4 –It aint no grammys now is it

3 – Best Irish Radio Dj, seems to be missing someone

2 – Im looking at the nominees here and is that a misprint, Brian McFadden is in for best irish male

1 – Is Snoops dressing room on fire cos there sure is a lot of smoke coming out of it

Late N Live Top 5 good things about winning an Oscar (28/2/05)

5 – There's a good chance Paris Hilton will make a sex video with you

4 – You can drill a hole in the head of the statue and use it as a salt shaker

3 – You wont be appearing on this talk show!

2 – You can prove your acting skills all over again when you go to accept!

1 – Your career will go down the same road as Halle Berry after she won an Oscar

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from a guy in a hotel (1/3/05)

5 – Are you the langer that took the gin from my minibar

4 – Got room for two more?

3 – I stayed in that room last week and they still haven’t changed the sheets

2 – If you want room service press 1, if you want a hooker press 2

1 – Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping

Late N Live Top 5 signs your drinking too much coffee (3/3/05)

5 – When someone asks if you want a de caf you threaten to kill their family

4 – To be honest this one was about going for a wee but we cant say it on radio

3 – You take the word agitated and give it a whole new meaning

2 – Last time you got a good night's sleep, Madonna was a virgin

1 – You're up to four heart attacks a day

Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone in a clothes shop (7/3/05)

5 – Size 18, really, are you sure, id swear your bigger than that

4 – We can assure you that the hidden cameras in the changing rooms are for security purposes

3 – Yup, those jocks have great powers of absorption

2 – Mmmmmm sound effect

1 – Do you need a hand to pull it off?

Late N Live Top 5 signs that your computer is on its last legs (8/3/05)

5 – Everytime you shut it down it pops up a message reading I might not be here tomorrow

4 – To say your computer has legs is a feat in itself!

3 – Viruses don’t bother to stop by anymore

2 – Your name is Michael Jackson

1 – Paris Hilton movie seems to be running in slow motion

Late N Live Top 5 circus clown pick up lines (9/3/05)

5 – You know what they say about guys with big shoes

4 – You’ve just been to the greatest show on earth, wanna be in the second greatest show on earth

3 – See the elephants trunk, remind you of anything?

2 – How'd you like to see the big top

1 – Its not only my nose that honks

Late N Live Top 5 signs your at a bad fast food takeaway (10/3/05)

5 – Your Quarter Pounder has a long thin tail

4 – If you thought the quarter pounder was bad you should see the cheese burger

3 – You spill the coffee and it burns a whole right through your leg

2 – In his photo the employee of the month is holding a mug shot number

1 – They’ll give anyone a job, even you

Bad Blogger

Ive been an absolute disaster in updating this thing, I promise it wont happen again ;). Im going to be lashing up and the Late N' Live Top 5s in the next half hour, so stick back soon!