The one with Alledged News!

A new regular feature to the show....

ALEDGED NEWS 04 02 08

The Britney Spears saga has taken a unique turn according to an insider. The pop diva has, through a family member, purchased 6 highly trained chimpanzees to help with the house work. The 6, 3 year old chimps are have begun work on cleaning up Britney’s palatial home. Ms Spears bedroom has already being redecorated in banana yellow and the chimps have already drawn up plans to add a third story to the large mansion. At a cost of $4999.99 each, these interior design helper monkeys don’t come cheap. Already demands are being handed in to Britney. The chimps are refusing to work after 6pm and will under no circumstances start work before 11am. Allegedly!

Inside sources say Justin Timberlake’s nickname of Justin Trousersnake may not be too far from the truth. On a recent flight, Justin and his entourage were stopped by custom officials. 3 of the entourage, including Justin were taken to a private area and were asked to strip down to their underwear one by one. When Justin stripped down to his boxers, panic ensued as custom officers reached for their weapons as a 4 foot reticulated python fell out off Justin’s jocks. Allegedly!

The monster from Cloverfield, or at least the monster who played the monster in Cloverfield has just received news that it is to get its own talkshow. A cross between the Tyra Banks show and Jerry Springer, the as of yet to named talk show promises to be the most controversial piece of television since Janet Jackson showed off the breasts at the Superbowl. The first episode, entitled “My sister married my midget brother” will air on tv screen’s in May of this year. People can look forward to a fast paced talk show and at the end of each show; the Cloverfield monster is going to eat one of the guests. The guest to be eaten will be voted on by the audience. Allegedly

The Giants one! Previously known as the one with Giants

I've never been a huge sports fan. Back in my Panini sticker days, I was a huge fan of Man United, circa Kevin Moran, Bryan Robson, Norman Whiteside, Frank Stapleton, Gordon Strachan, Mark Hughes etc.etc. Then I lost interest. I've never been a huge GAA fan, even though I played hurling and football at club level and school level. But I lost interest in that too. Twas them American sports that caught my eye. The NBA and the NFL have always been religiously watched on the TV. I've always had a soft spot for the NY Giants and before that the 49'ers. Back in the days of Joe Montanna and Jerry Rice.

So close last year, the Giants would go all the way the next time. I said it on air, I said it here (I think) and I never bothered putting a few shillings on it. Go all the way they did. I arrived home last night and flicked on TV3. BBC2 had the same feed from the game and their picture quality was ten times better, plus I didnt have to endure the ad breaks at nearly every play. That play (waiting for it to arrive on youtube) by Eli Manning towards the end of the game was unreal. I woke Ger, the dogs and anybody in a 5 mile radius after the play. Minutes later, with the winning touchdown, people in a 25 mile radius were woken up!

On another note, I got to Cloverfield over the weekend. It looks the business. It feels the business. It IS the business. One of the best "monster" flicks I've seen in years if not one of the best films I've ever had the pleasure to see. The monster is like nothing you've ever seen before. Leaving the cinema, through an empty Mahon Point was very surreal. I was expecting big arse monster to come crashing through the roof! Check it out, but dont sit too near the front!!!!

The one with reviews and rooting!

Go Giants! I said it last year they'd make it and by christ was I right [for once]. As long as Eli dont bottle it, we can look forward to a great game!

In extremely brief other news, I'll be giving my full lowdown on Cloverfield on the show from 10pm!!!!!!!!!

Insert cheesy line here-----

So until ten......WHATEVER!!!!

The one with...would ya and quite alot would!

The following may offend a few people, but keep in mind its all in good humour!

To follow on from last nights unlikely Irish sex symbol sex segment on the show, I shall now address some of the entries.

In at number 10, we had Willie O Dea. Now Im not sure what Willie is like in the sack, but does anybody remember Ralphie from the Sopranos. Its just with the gun and things I'd imagine many people would'nt be complaining about Willie in the sack! As a straight man, whos comfortable with his sexuality I probably wouldnt take Willie on. The Magnum PI tasher just doesnt do anything for me!

Our own Dave Mac turned up at number 7. I know Dave quite well and would reckon there would be plenty of trips to Anne Summers for a few gadgets to keep yourself entertained after the 45 second rough and tumble. Like Willie, if I jumed ship in the morning, I wouldnt take Mac on either. Its the Grizzly Adams look I think. Visions of Mac in a log cabin with only a Grizzly Bear, an Ould fart and a mule for company are what nightmares are made of!

I've turned up in the number 6 slot. What can be said.? I've had sex with myself and god dammit, its good. Nuff said!

To speed things along, I shall now concentrate on the Top 3. Bryan Dobson, Mr six one doesnt strike me as a Mr. 69. The whole point of people choosing sex symbols is that they fantisise about getting a good oul scuttling from said sex symbol. I would speculate Bryan may be a demon in the sack, but its a distinct possibilty that the whole experience might leave you a little bored. But you know what they say about news readers!!!

Brendan O Conor arrives in as the number 2 unlikely hottie. Well if there are people out there (and by all accounts there are) that fancy Brendan to give them a damn good poking, then so be it. But what drugs are you people taking? The fellow Corkonian is possibly rough and ready I'd say. Gimp outfits, sex swings and chains hanging off the ceiling may all be part of the experience. But If myself and Brendan were left stranded on a desert Island and the conversation came up, I'd take me chances swimming away. Bare in mind, I CANT swim.

So finally, that leaves number 1. So many of you voted for the man that runs the country to give you a damn good banging. I'd reckon the experience would'nt last long. But it might get going again, maybe after a cup of tea or what not. I cant imagine Bertie as a foreplay man ( I could be wrong) so get what you can while the going is good! Then again the whole thing could turn into an extreme orgy of kinky madness, thats normally reserved for solicitors and judges.

The one with unlikely IRISH sex symbols

In light of Gordon the Gopher's handler topping the UK's unlikely sex symbol list today, I decided to throw out Ireland's unlikeliest sex symbol in the later part of the show last night. What follows is the top 10.

10 - Willie O Dea

9 - Micheal Martin
8 - Dave Macardle
7 - Martin King
6 - Yours Truly
5 - Dylan Moran
4 - Daniel O Donnell
3 - Bryan Dobson
2 - Brendan O Connor
1 - Bertie

A selection of the entrants shall be discussed on here later on.

The one with a nomination!

Cheers to all for nominating this piece of....excellence :) Just been longlisted on The Irish Blog awards (awards.ie) so thanks a mill. Im thrilled! Watch this space. One step closer to the cakes and things that I promised!

The one with votes

I mentioned this back a while and am mentioning it again!

The one with monkeys, maybe....

I hear on the grapevine that the judges for the blog awards are nosing through the entries this week. Well, judges, if you are reading this...here have some cake

Thirsty? Go on then, indulge in a fine Cork beverage...


And after all my bribeness, I mean kindness of stuffing you with quality digital grub, here have a bucket to get sick in
Incidently, I ran out of money after the cake, tanora and bucket. So nothing to put in a brown envelope. Come to think of it, I cant afford one of them either.

As the title said, there was a slim possibility of a monkey appearing in the blog today. Well.....
Till 9, stay in line

The one about the weekend and a decent restaurant reccomendation!

Someone emailed me yesterday asking for another what did you do, blow by blow, about the weekend. So, as I cant think of anything else to bang in here, why not?

Friday was spent cooking up a storm for me parents as they arrived on their twice monthly visit. Friday night was spent in Club Light in Mallow. After feck all sleep, I managed to crawl out of bed and head to the wedding fair in Silversprings. Im normally good for getting up (!) but last Saturday morning I was absoultely shagged. So with a big grumpy head up on me, we headed off to the wedding fair. Im not a big fan of weddings and certainly not of wedding fairs, even though Im penciled in to walk down the aisle next year. Ger had prepared herself for the worst, later admitting she was expecting me to be a moany oul bollox. But!!! I actually enjoyed it, more so than I thought was possible. Some of the highlights were the cake samples. Of course it would have to come down to food with me!

I've set down some new rules in the house for 2008. We go out to eat at least once or twice a month and make the cinema at least once or twice a month and god knows what in between. So Hardwood on Popes Quay was next on the list. I picked up some Eat out in Ireland mag a few weeks ago and decided to eat my way through a selection of the Munster list. Im in no way associated with the folks at Hardwood, but mother of God the food was absolutely divine. I shit you not when I say the following. I have never, EVER eaten ribs like the ribs in Hardwood. Falling off the bone would be an understatment. And that was just for starters. Ger made her way through a sea food chowder that was a meal in itself. Pork and Steak made our main course. The steak was perfectly cooked, the pork was melt in your mouth. I havent stopped raving about the place since Saturday night. The staff couldnt have been better, even when the place got really busy. Its also, in my book, great to see the chef pop out for a few minutes and have a nose at whats going on. From the chef to the wait staff, everyone stunk of "I actually give a toss about you and the food" which is a rare fragrance in restaurants these days. The whole meal came to about €95 (inc tip). Value for money to boot! Any place that convinces me to eat a strip of deep fried carrot (I cant stand the things) is also a good thing. It just looked too good NOT to eat!!!!

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Originally uploaded by vicbarry.