Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The one with Claudia Winkleman

Since I was a child (some people still think I am) I have watched Film FILL IN THE YEAR on the BBC. Back in the days when Barry Norman used to present it, I wasn’t allowed stay up late to watch it. Instead, my Dad would tape it, firstly on Betamax and then on VHS when we moved up in the world. I would watch it the following day, after putting in the hours getting an education…or something. And then; in 1999, Jonathon Ross took over and I spent the bare bones of another 10 years watching the thing. And then Wossy packed up and left a few weeks ago.

For the last number of years, I watched all Oscar and Golden Globes coverage on Sky Movies. And a woman called Claudia Winkleman hosted the coverage in some makeshift studio in Murdoch land. She would be joined by a number of guests, and with few exceptions most of the guests were about as film friendly as the director of Battlefield Earth. Fuckwittery aside, Winkleman was my biggest problem. She was annoying, couldn’t connect with the guests and most of all came across as having sweet fuck all movie knowledge, let alone having the knowledge how to remotely present a show.

And then yesterday, I learn that she is the new host of Film 2010. Well, fuck me, I didn’t see that coming and neither did anyone else for that matter. Having watched this show for years and years, I will never watch it again, until someone who has a notion is hosting the thing. To put this in movie terms, I have the following akins.

Claudia Winkleman hosting Film 2010 is akin to the big monkey in King Kong on top of the ESB at the end of the movie. Doomed!

Claudia Winkleman hosting Film 2010 is akin to the Ice-berg that hit the Titanic. It sank it!!!

Claudia Winkleman hosting Film 2010 is akin to Battlefield Earth. It should never have happened!

Claudia Winkleman hosting Film 2010 is akin to Colin Farrell’s blonde wig in Alexander! That says it all!

I’m sure she is a lovely woman and all. But, for the life of me, I can’t fathom why somebody that has, for years, giving the perception that she is clueless about film, be hosting something as pivotal as Film 2010. Who, in their right mind decided this would be a good idea? I’m sure if this was Bullshit 2010 as opposed to Film 2010 it might work a little better. I’ve seen this in the past, on a personal level. People doing jobs that they were no more qualified for, than King Kong was qualified to do crosswords.

Would Ferrari hire a bloke that can’t drive to climb into an F1 car and win a race?
Would Aer Lingus hire a 17 year old who played MS Flight Sim a few times to fly across the Atlantic?
Would you hire a plasterer to do triple bypass surgery?
Would the CERN people hire me to operatre the LHC?

The answer is a big FUCK NO!

I am available Mr.BBC!!!!!!! But not for long!!!!!!!!!!! And I wouldn’t swear on the show either!!!!!!!!!
Go on then, I’ll show a bit of leg if I have to. But I’m not shaving!!

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