Hopefully I wont be leaving this go a month or longer before I update it again. Im not even sure how many people read these things, but just in case ;)

Things have been busy, busy, busy over the last few weeks. The new ratings book came out and Im up, and well up. So Im a happy camper then, although they'll be no sitting on laurels or arses. Onwards and upwards!!!!! I dont know why, but I bought a Sony PSP. Great yoke altogether and as I write this Im waiting for another game to arrive. The post person is outside now so hang on a minute. Ill check back tomorrow!

Big Bloody Top 5 Update

Late N Live Top 5 thing you don’t want to hear from a Guard (3/2/05)

5 – The last time I saw someone go that fast I was on the vice squad

4 – Sorry you couldn’t drive by again could ya, I got mixed up with me hairdryer

3 – My name is Jon and this is my partner Ponch

2 – Last wan to the next set of lights eats rotten cabbage

1 – How about you pull me over





Late N Live Top 5 signs your not getting on with your collegues (7/2/05)

5 – Simple ,you own your own company but don’t have any employees

4 – You prefer to drink out of everyone elses mug except your own

3 – Things have never been the same since that incident involving Sheila from accounts, you and a pair of rubber gloves

2 – Not even the gay guy would give you some love at the last work party

1 – If somebody dies in the job your not invited to the funeral





Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone making pancakes (8/2/05)

5 – What dya mean pancakes I thought you were after making a pizza

4 – Don’t mind me im only squeezing the juice onto it

3 – You bring new meaning to the saying, flat as a pancake

2 – We could think of nothing for number 2

1 – Any chance youd give me a hand to toss it






Late N Live Top 5 things you learn by being sick (10/2/05)

5 – You’ve perfected the gag reflex

4 – The internet is rubbish

3 – Day time TV sucks

2 – When you go, you really go

1 – You know how it feels to be a supermodel every morning







Late N Live Top 5 signs you had a bad Valentines day (15/2/05)

5 – You were single!

4 – You got a nice furry bear, granted it was in a gay bar

3 – The only valentines card you got was taken back after the postman delievered it to the wrong address

2 – You came home wearing a pair of knickers that read “Property of Mount Joy”

1 – You get a phone call wondering where one can purchase a pregnancy kit




Late N Live Top 5 signs that you are in a bad relationship (16/3/05)

5 – You got a mass card instead of a valentines card

4 – Your partner thinks batter burgers are for battering you across the head

3 – When you ask is my dinner ready, you get the reply “Yes it is, don’t mind those tablet looking peas, they’re good for ya”

2 – You share the same prison cell

1 – Your husband comes home with a new dress for you and another one for himself





Late N Live Top 5 things that Anne Doyle would never say on the news (17/2/05)

5 – That’s the news, Ill be hear tomorrow if I can be bothered

4 – Honey Ill be home soon, warm up the bed

3 – That Sky news Ireland crowd can Bite me

2 – Good Evening, this is the six one news, ah feck it I cant be bothered

1 – I made that last story up





Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in the office on a Monday morning (21/2/05)

5 – Is that vodka in the water cooler

4 – Line up, line up…its P45 time, whos first

3 – The manager wont be in today because hes dead, tomorrow is a day off for the funeral

2 – You don’t want to hear anything really, you just want to go back to sleep at your desk

1 – How many times have we told you, stop photocopying your ass on the weekend





Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear in a beauty saloon (22/2/05)

5 – Ohh, a lock of your hair! I'll treasure it forever

4 – Ill just check to see if we can actually wax your ears

3 – Glad to see you got that lice condition sorted out

2 –It's been three whole days since one of our customers got their ear clipped of

1 – I used to have skin like that too…when I was a man




Late N Live Top 5 signs that the internet is having an effect on your relationship (23/2/05)

5 – Your partner has bought a digital camera and wants you to star in his own website!!!!

4 – When you say something funny, he gets a pen and paper and rights LOL

3 – The only way you can get some loving is by asking him to download on you!

2 – Hes getting surgery so his face can look more like one of them smiley faces

1 – There nothing you can do to get rid of them damn popups





Late N Live Top 5 things over heard at the Meteors (24/2/05)

5 – Oh no, a free 085 phone

4 –It aint no grammys now is it

3 – Best Irish Radio Dj, seems to be missing someone

2 – Im looking at the nominees here and is that a misprint, Brian McFadden is in for best irish male

1 – Is Snoops dressing room on fire cos there sure is a lot of smoke coming out of it





Late N Live Top 5 good things about winning an Oscar (28/2/05)

5 – There's a good chance Paris Hilton will make a sex video with you

4 – You can drill a hole in the head of the statue and use it as a salt shaker

3 – You wont be appearing on this talk show!

2 – You can prove your acting skills all over again when you go to accept!

1 – Your career will go down the same road as Halle Berry after she won an Oscar




Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from a guy in a hotel (1/3/05)

5 – Are you the langer that took the gin from my minibar

4 – Got room for two more?

3 – I stayed in that room last week and they still haven’t changed the sheets

2 – If you want room service press 1, if you want a hooker press 2

1 – Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping






Late N Live Top 5 signs your drinking too much coffee (3/3/05)

5 – When someone asks if you want a de caf you threaten to kill their family

4 – To be honest this one was about going for a wee but we cant say it on radio

3 – You take the word agitated and give it a whole new meaning

2 – Last time you got a good night's sleep, Madonna was a virgin

1 – You're up to four heart attacks a day





Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from someone in a clothes shop (7/3/05)

5 – Size 18, really, are you sure, id swear your bigger than that

4 – We can assure you that the hidden cameras in the changing rooms are for security purposes

3 – Yup, those jocks have great powers of absorption

2 – Mmmmmm sound effect

1 – Do you need a hand to pull it off?





Late N Live Top 5 signs that your computer is on its last legs (8/3/05)

5 – Everytime you shut it down it pops up a message reading I might not be here tomorrow

4 – To say your computer has legs is a feat in itself!

3 – Viruses don’t bother to stop by anymore

2 – Your name is Michael Jackson

1 – Paris Hilton movie seems to be running in slow motion






Late N Live Top 5 circus clown pick up lines (9/3/05)

5 – You know what they say about guys with big shoes

4 – You’ve just been to the greatest show on earth, wanna be in the second greatest show on earth

3 – See the elephants trunk, remind you of anything?

2 – How'd you like to see the big top

1 – Its not only my nose that honks






Late N Live Top 5 signs your at a bad fast food takeaway (10/3/05)

5 – Your Quarter Pounder has a long thin tail

4 – If you thought the quarter pounder was bad you should see the cheese burger

3 – You spill the coffee and it burns a whole right through your leg

2 – In his photo the employee of the month is holding a mug shot number

1 – They’ll give anyone a job, even you

Bad Blogger

Ive been an absolute disaster in updating this thing, I promise it wont happen again ;). Im going to be lashing up and the Late N' Live Top 5s in the next half hour, so stick back soon!

Decided to have dinner in one of the restaurants in Mahon Point yesterday (Lets Face it theres not too many), and not one in the food court. I wont be naming and shaming but twas an absolute joke. Waited 25 minutes for starters which never arrived. I was then brought my main course 10 mins after that. When asked where my starters were the waitress (who had feck all english) said its the kitchens fault. I more aless threw my main course onto her tray and told her to get me the manager. The manager arrived after another ten mins and didnt seem to give a shit. Typical - Only in Cork. Overall though the centre is as mentioned previously great!

Midweek Top 5 Update

Late N Live Top 5 things that George Bush would do if Aliens attacked America (31/01/05)

5 – Thank them for taking the spotlight off iraq

4 – Phone Will Smith and ask can he help out

3 – Send dick cheneys daughter to see if any are gay

2 – Wonder if his foreign policy can deal with it

1 – When the aliens ask, take me to your leader he brings them to his daddy



Late N Live Top 5 things overheard when Michael Jackson arrived in court yesterday (1/2/05)

5 – Don’t look now but the Culkin kid is here with a gun

4 – The prince of pop, more like than queen of pop

3 – Michaels legal defence said they’d so if we done a top 5, so we’re doin a top 4 instead, hence no number 3

2 – Is that a snot hanging off his nose, oh no its just his nose melting

1 – That’s not mike, that’s Diana ross

Theres an ol pussycat around the place lately and here hes trying to communicate with our hobbit

I decided to take a trip down to the new Mahon Point Shopping Centre around midday today. My main problem was that the traffic lights on the exit for the place were not switched on and it was and absolute disssssaasssttterrrrr. The centre itself is fantastic. Ill say it again, Cork really needed something like this. For some reason it doesnt feel like you're in Cork, its that good. Disappointly some of the shops were'nt open and no Eddie Rockets open either. I do love the Eddie Rockets. I have to take herself down there in a minute so more traffic bedlam. It will be interesting to see how the cinema will fair out as well as the retail park. But overall the whole place is Rockin!

Ive been waiting to hear news about something since November and it finally arrived today, so Id be a happy camper at this moment in time.

That Top 5 update wasnt too painfull. So what have I been up to, I hear one person at the back ask. Just been busy with "things" really. I did manage to see 3 amazing movies, The Aviator, Ray and House of Flying Daggers. The House of Flying Daggers has become one of my all time favourite movies, simply brilliant. Ive always been a fan of Asian cinema, granted they've been sporadic delvings in the last few years. Check it out if you can, sure its subtitled but who gives a toss.

From a show perspective we seem to be off to a flying start for 05. Just from listener reaction alone, we're rocking. Ive had very positive feedback from various other sources too. Hopefully we should have a few more bits going into the show in the next week or so........mainly a quiz of kinds. I feel our movie roulette wheel has run its course for a while, plus we lost one of the CDs!

Im looking forward to the opening of Mahon point, its something that Cork greatly needed. Im a bit disappointed not to see one of the big English electric stores going into the retail park. Limerick have them, why cant Cork? All in all though it sounds great. Im curious to know how long the hot dogs and the cheesy nachos will last in the new cinema there. They've never lasted in any other cinema in Cork from what I remember. What am I like, worried about cinema food...jesus!

Righto, out the gap.

Big Top 5 Update, Huge infact!

Late N Live Top 5 signs it’s the first few days in January (3/1/05)

5 – The only change you can get from a shop is a gift voucher

4 – You read it somewhere on a calendar

3 – Its so cold even Mary Harney isn’t sweating

2 – Your after suffering a janurary sale related injury

1 – Your still eating that damn turkey



Late N Live Top 5 New Years Resolutions by Cork people (4/1/05)

5 – Curry with no chips

4 – Give us a break we’re only back 2 days

3 – Only go bottle fighting on Pana once every 2 weeks

2 – Restrict alcohol intake to Weddings, funerals, birthdays and weekends

1 –Try and get a ticket to the City of Culture opening



Late N Live Top 5 signs your on a bad new years diet (5/1/05)

5 – The diet your on comes with a disclaimer that reads May not work for everyone

4 – You're not allowed to eat during months with an "R" in them

3 – One of the tips is to get a salad with your big mac

2 – You know you shouldn’t have to puke to lose weight

1 –Your ass size is gone from a Lopez to a Harney



Late N Live Top 5 things overheard during little womans Christmas (6/1/04)

5 – MMMMMMMm sound effect

4 – So then the milkman came round, and I wouldn’t mind the postman had only just gone

3 – There aint nothing little about a size 24

2 – The last time I saw a body like that I was trying to get underneath it

1 – Its womans little Christmas you idiot



Late N Live Top 5 things you didn’t want to hear from a guy at the Cork 2005 launch (10/1/05)

5 – The last time I heard so many bangs, I was staying in a cheap hotel

4 – Watch your step there love, I just got sick

3 – Ya know I got my own inflatable at home

2 – Ya I got a good deal on a loan off Sean Og

1 – I stay up longer than the fireworks



Late N Live Top 5 signs you’ve spent to much money in the January Sales (11/1/05)

5 - Credit card statement hand delivered by someone from Visa

4 – Person from Visa refuses to leave your house until you make a minimum payment

3 – You’ve spent more than your wife, and lets face it, that’s impressive

2 – The only thing left in your wallet is that condom from 2002

1 – Nothing works, nothing fits and you’ve no reciepts



Late N Live Top 5 things overheard at the Late N Live Top 5 1 Year Anniversary Party 12/1/05

5 – Whod have thought it takes him a whole week to write each top 5

4 – Isnt this a half arsed version of the david letterman top 10, literally

3 – Sometimes its actually funny

2 – Yeah, but this isn’t one of those times

1 – Look, theres Mr.Barry…naked ontop of the photocopier



Late N Live Top 5 signs that digital camera you got for Xmas was a bad idea (13/1/05)

5 – You still don’t know how to work it

4 – The only time you took some nature photography you got arrested

3 – You’ve decided that it was a bad idea to lend it to your parents on their “weekend away”

2 – When it comes to taking a pic of yourself nude, nothing seems to work, and we’re not talking about the camera

1 – Your more popular than Paris Hilton when it comes to downloads



Late N Live Top 5 reasons you didn’t win a golden globe (17/1/05)

5 –Brown Envelope not big enough

4 – If your name is Paris Hilton, aren’t you expecting a little too much

3 – Its that age old excuse again, actually we couldn’t come up with a number 3 to be honest

2 – Hello! Did you see anyone from Cork nominated for one

1 – That damn Clint Eastwood



Late N Live Top 5 features of a really scary haunted house (18/1/05)

5 –Colin Farrell, without a pint in his hand

4 – On the wall hangs a movie poster for Charlies Angels 3

3 – A very hungry health Minister

2 – Step-by-step demonstration of how a chicken becomes a mcnugget

1 – The possibility michael Jackson might jump out and say “wanna come to my place”



Late N Live Top 5 things overheard at President Bushs in augaration (20/1/05)

5 – There sure are a lot of fat ugly women here, oh look theres Bill Clinton

4 – Look Dick Cheneys daughter is getting it on with a man…sorry, its only Rosie O Donnell

3 – Man, those bush twins have been on the booze again

2 – Whod have thought I would be so difficult to say I do

1 – Whod have thought there would be loads of snow here, well george will feel right at home



Late N Live Top 5 signs your getting stressed out (24/1/05)

5 – Anytime your asked to cook, you make a Molotov cocktail and ask when and where

4 – Family pet has decided to go and live with the neighbours

3 – People no longer ask you questions, instead they feel its safer to email them

2 – Doors no longer need hinges in your house

1 – When it comes to sex night the only thing that you can pop is an anadin



Late N Live Top 5 things over heard when Ray Bruke arrived in Prison (25/1/05)

5 – Of all the famous people to go to prison we get this guy

4 – Hes a big man alright, Id say hes eaten plenty of meat in his time

3 – Lux or Imperial Leather

2 – Looks like we finally have a great teacher!

1 – I wonder does he take a shampoo AND a conditioner into the shower



Late N Live Top 5 prison pick up lines (26/1/05)

5 – Wanna borrow my soap

4 – Actually my real name is Sheila

3 – Look we haven’t been in prison yet, so we’re having trouble with this one

2 – So yours is the top bunk, got room for one more

1 – A former minister.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm



Late N Live Top 5 signs you’re spending too much time in bed (27/1/05)

5 – Bed doesn’t have as much soakage as it used to

4 – The only love of your life is a lavender pillow

3 – You look like Tom Cruise in that Castaway movie

2 – Your sheets are so stiff you could cut them up and use them as crackers

1 – The bed bugs don’t bite anymore, now they’re actually down to the bone

Finally

Havent been here in nearly a month, sorry. I promise It wont be as long the next time, maybe 2 weeks!. Loads of updates for the Top 5 so......