The one with a whole load of Dark Knight clips

Im still undecided whether the huge amount of clips that are coming online for the Dark Knight are a good idea. Either way, Im after taking off my pants for these! If I were wearing knickers, they'd be pulled to one side!

The one with cinema etiquette

I went to see Hancock yesterday. I left Hancock feeling a bit disappointed. I also left Hancock barely with my life intact. Well.....

Does anybody know how to remotely conduct themselves in a, what some would call, intimate public place. The majority of younger audience members either stunk of farts or piss with a high selection of the adult audience trying to conduct huge conversations on the phone. The ones who weren't busy telling someone in their phonebook, that they were in the cinema, were busy sneezing with all their might. At one point I thought something had happened in the cinema as there seemed to be a large mist forming. But it only turned out to be a spray of snot and mucus.


"Yeah, I'm in the cinema" " No, the cinema" "The new Will Smith flick" "I think its called Hancock" "Yeah" "Hmmmm" "Yeah" "Yeah, that's the one, where he tosses the whale" "Yeah". Shut the fuck up! Turn off your phone. You don't need to have a conversation on the phone during the movie. If its really important, they'll call back. Its 90 minutes of your life. None of us are that important. And speaking of important, if they cant get hold of you, they'll fuckin text you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe some of these savages are proud of the fact that they can sneeze and have to show the rest of us how its done. God help the poor girl that ends up snogging one of these piss reeking young fellas. Now I'm not getting on my high horse or anything, I sneeze and fart like the rest of you. But at least I'll try and keep my nostril projectiles until theres not a full audience of people around. And if I do sneeze around a group of lookers on, I'll put my hand over my fuckin mouth. Its not that hard! I'm sure these neanderthals use their hands for other things, such as pulling bananas down off trees and killing fish with spears.

I know its not everybody, but a good few people, would really want to wake up and take a shower. And put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze. You know, your hand. You spend enough time grooming your mates looking for bugs!

The one with the Skype laughter chain

As promised!!!!! Check the hyena dude!

The one with Hancock

Will Smith's latest movie opens today and I expected Hancock to be the sleeper hit of the summer. Something, nobody really saw coming. It slipped under the radar. For those of you who have drooled at the trailers, all which included many of the major scenes from the opening half of the movie, train stopping, whale tossing and so on. No doubt; you, like me, were thinking about removing your pants on the basis of the trailers alone. The trailers set the movie up and I wondered what amazing scenes were left out of the trailers. Not too many to be honest.

Hancock, is basically an alcoholic superhero and resides in LA. He causes bank loads of damage to the city and decides (on the advice of his new found PR person) to go to jail as there are 6 million subpoenas for him. His time in the slammer equates into plenty of bad guys running riot and low and behold the chief of police needs Hancocks assistance. Enter the new and improved Hancock. Enter the tightly fitting leather, superhero outfit. Enter the second half of the film.

After a more or less flawless first half, Hancock takes a turn for the worse. The story veers off in a bizarre turn of events, even though part of these events are predictable. There is no end of the world scenario for Hancock to get his mits on, so they drag the whole thing out, which inevitably involves Charlize Theron. Nothing wrong with that, but the majority of the second half of the movie. Come fuckin on!!!! You get to hear some of the back story about where Hancock comes from and....well, you'll see. I don't want to give away any spoilers. Other than the second half being a bit "What were they on?" the effects look good and big Will delivers great line after great line. There is hilarious laugh out loud and cough up your lungs scenes. The kid hurling, the opening car chase and of course the prison scene. Theres even a "Fuck word" in there. Which for a 12's movie, is great...for the adults watching it. And, of course, its set up for a sequel.

I think if Hancock, was at least a 15's movie with less of the second half and more of the heads up asses, we could have had a movie which the trailers led us to believe. I thought the movie was restraining itself at times, both in content and swearing. No doubt, its the studio shouting to capitalise on the young teen audience. Here's hoping there is a directors cut or an unrated cut that will arrive on Blu-Ray and DVD.

Great first half, let down by a WTF second half. In some of the trailers, there is a great scene where Hancock wakes up and attempts to grab some woman's ass as she walks by. He's too slow and misses the opportunity. Just like the movie, a missed opportunity. It could have been amazing. Either way - 7/10

The one with a forthcoming lowdown

Time permitting, I'll be giving my take on Hancock on here after 5pm. Might be earlier, might be later, but keep checking!

The one with sickness...(again)

For the last week, Ive been moaning about a constant dose of headaches, then over the weekend I started feeling queesy. Looking pale and queesy I railroaded through the show on Sunday night and more or less the minute I got home, it was pukeamania. It only stopped late last night and I feel like I've gone through a few rounds with Ricky Hatton, Mike Tyson and a mad, escaped donkey. I've never had any form of vomiting bug before, well not like the constant stream of a puke fest I experienced yesterday.

Either way, I'l be back on air tonight. As of now, Im around 16 hours puke free.

The one with the Wanted Movie

I've been shouting, ranting and raving about this movie for quite some time. The comic book by Mark Millar and JG Jones is absolutely amazing, so I felt if the movie was anywhere close to that, it'd be a winner. The movie isn't entirely faithful to the comic book, theres no real mention of the super villains and super heroes (or lack of em) and I'm sure many would have loved to see Shithead and Fuckwit come to the big screen, but alas no go.


Basically, young guy (played by James McEvoy) gets recruited into a team of Assassins and goes off and tries to kill the bloke that killed his dad. Angelina Jolie trains him and Morgan Freeman offers the occasional piece of advice. And that's essentially the story with 1 or 2 little predictable twists. The movie, slows down in the middle for a while but before that, the director, Timur Bekmambetov; is busy ripping your ass out through your ears with never before seen stunts and amazing action. By the time your ass is out through your ear hole you'll be gasping for breath. Its really over the top and so head splatteringly brilliant.

There really is amazing set pieces. Any of the Assassinations are beautifully done. The camera twists and turns as it follows the bullet to its intended target. Who thought violence could be so beautiful. The scene with the Dodge Viper is absolutely mind blowing. And a stand out scene for me was in the office with the keyboard. Wait for that one!!


The special effects are outstanding, the Danny Elfman score is great and the whole movie, rips along at a great pace. My love affair with the Dodge Viper has been reignited and Angelina Jolie is gone to the top of my "list".

Cast your mind back to Peter Jacksons King Kong. Remember where the monkey kicks the balls off the T-Rex and snaps his head and then starts roaring at the top of his monkey lungs. Multiply that by 100 and that's how loud Angelina Jolie screams sexy in this movie.

As a movie based on a comic book, its not entirely loyal and I'm sure plenty of comic fans will be disappointed, but as a no brain, popcorn action flick, this is the best you will see this year, if not for the last few years. The first real summer movie that doesn't disappoint. One of my favourite movies of the year. 9/10

Oh yeah, watch out for the rats!!!!

The one with Twangers, Shaq and Deniro The Deli Man

Right....


Hilarious, what were they on?


Not suitable for everyone, but why Shaq, why?


And finally, who else better to represent New York


I dont know about you, but either Bob has a mortgage to pay or was just bored. Either way, Im off to buy some of that Mayo!

The one with Recession

So, we are officially in Recession. Let the doom and gloom begin. In the words of Homer Simpson - WooHoo!!!!

I grew up in the 80's. While I was born in 1976, I didnt stop shitting myself until the early 80's. What do I remember about the last recession? Not much to be honest. Things werent that bad though. I had a robot. A lifesize one at that. While it may not have been the robot from Rocky, it was a robot none the less. Actually, now that I think about it, it was probably a recession robot. Basically; it had a motorised base with wheels and a remote control. The robot itself was inflatable. Yeah, it was a recession robot. But I loved that bastard! I talked to him and everything. I thought I had a C3PO when all I had was a baloon on wheels. And no, George Lucas never called up wanting to borrow him.

Its amazing for years of shouting about doom and gloom, the economists must be jumping up and down with delight in their caves, as they have finally got it right. Well they were bound too, they've been shouting about recession, since the last one. How is it going to effect me and you? Who knows? It comes down to the budget at this stage I'd imagine! But, by the time that rolls around, we'll all probably be killing each other for a gallon of petrol. Talking to a few people in the construction industry, they believe the housing problem will be back to normal by next Summer. So we'll all go back to over spending, 2 remortgages a year and trying to buy cars on credit cards!

But, to take a positive out of a not so doom and gloom negative yet, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can blame the recession for everything. Just to moisten your appetite here is a small sample of what I mean.

"How could you sleep with that woman? I thought you loved me"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"How could you sleep with that group of men? when you havent touched me in months"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"God, you've put on weight"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"For fuck sake, you never tell me you love me any more"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"What do you mean you didnt unload the dishwasher"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"Why dont you want it doggy style?"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"What do you mean you wont be in to work today?"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"Why havent you taken out the rubbish?"
"Sorry, its the recession"

"Im sick of this chilli con carne shit you cook up every night"
"Sorry, its the recession"

And so on, and so forth!

The one with the CTB mystery sound that nobody guessed!

Nuts!



Turn this one up loud!!!!!