The one about Irish men and their arses on TV

Today is one of those days! I was up early and the day is dragggggggiiiinnnnngggggggg. As I punch the keys its 14:58. It feels like it should be 22:43; to be exact. Plus, I'm battling some weird alien disease or something at the moment which, now that I think about it, could be something to do with time slowing down!

One of the topics I covered last night was this brothel in Prague, where plane loads of Irish punters are throwing their hairy legs over a hooker and in turn for free sex, their hairy hole is broadcast all over the adult channels. I even spoke to the manager of the place who explained that nearly 10% of the clientele are Irish blokes.  Now, like most normal people I'm not gonna turn off porn if it comes on the TV, or if I find it by accident on the Internet. Which happens to the best of us. Many moons ago, I'm talking back in the days when Burgerland was still in Pana, I even ran a Jenna Jameson fan page. Miss Jameson was a pristine porn star, with immaculate co-stars. Then I discovered amateur porn, which is great. Its normal; and people in the thing actually look like your next door neighbour, or at least someone you might have spotted in the local shop buying a sliced pan.

Whats going on in the Big Sister place, is kinda like amateur porn. But I don't know about the local Corkonian arriving at the door.

"Is this on the telly, girl?"

"Ja"

"Oh right, fuck, I dunno about this"

"Its OK, it only on satellite television"

"Thats alright so, me oul doll only has the aerial on the roof like"

"Ja?"

"So, ah, will, ah, I, ah, get me, aaaahhh gear off"

"Ja"

"Even me socks?"

"Ja"

"Right so! You too guuurrrll. Lets see them chats like"

"Ja, what you want to do"

"Errraaahh, whatever like"

"You want on top?"

"Ahh, no like. Herself always lies on her back. Id lurve somethin' different like. Ya know, I always get curry with the chips, but this waaan time they gave me mayo and twas daycent."

"Doggy?"

"Oh Jesus gurl, I'm not into that kinda thing at all. I thought about it once with a jar of bovril, but didn't bother in the end"

Don't think the lead in conversations from the Irish contingent would float too many boats. Maybe its just as well the majority of porn is watched with the sound turned off!

Out of curiosity, wheres the female equivalent of the above club?????

The one with men embarrassed about buying adult toys

Like you, I know people who work in retail. Video game shops, Record shops, Clothes shops. I even worked in retail, all while feeding my radio addiction with Howard Stern. Now, anyone who works in  a bread shop, sells bread, possibly makes bread and expects people to come in and buy a nice loaf/ Anyone who works in a clothes shop, sells clothes, possibly makes them and expects the general public to come in and dress themselves in something that'll make them look gawjus. 

And then theres the people who work in adult shops. This lot are a different breed compared to other shop workers. They constantly talk about the people who come into their adult shop, laughing and sniggering as some bloke buys a rabbit or something similar. Conversations are like the following....

"Look at him over there"

"Who, the guy in the brown jacket?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Was talkin to him a minute ago about vibrators"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, says its for his oul doll, but he probably is shoving it up his own hole"

"Yeah, he looks the type alright. Loves the vibrating bum fun"

"Yeah"

GIMME A BREAK! Its nothing of the sort, and even if it was, who gives a toss? The Star had a poll yesterday that stated that more than a third of men are too embarassed to buy a sex toy. Big deal, surely????????? Whats the embarrasment about? That you're actually getting some? For feck sake lads, tis really time to try and lift the knuckles off the ground! The personality free, knuckle draggers are always going to be stuck in this mode, which is quite unfortunate for the ladies they invariably end up with. Well at least the ladies dont suffer from the same disease, as they seem to be more than capable of going off and getting themselves a plastic vibrating penis.

Plenty of people asked me last night would I be embarssed buying a sex toy or to be even seen in an adult shop. The plain and simple answer was no. Why would I? Whats going to happen? Front page of the Echo "Victor Barry spotted in adult shop". Bollocks!

And for the blokes out there who are intimidated by the oul vibrating machines, well they really, really, really need to stop digging trenches with their knuckles.

The one with Lurve

There was an oul bit of a moment on the show last night where I suggested, that listeners involved in a marriage or relationship should txt their better half with the simple words of "I Love You". Cheesy as cheddar, but what the hell. Many replied back saying the response they got (which I had speculated on) was "Whats wrong?". Others had smiles on their faces by all accounts, more than likely in the fact that they were going to get a good rattling when said better half came home. See its amazing what 3 words can do! As for me, yeah I sent the txt. Im still waiting for a response! Maybe her phone is still off!

As to not leave out the single folk, the suggestion was made by yours truly that if there's someone in their phone book that they want to get on top of, sorry, go on a date with, then they should txt them as well. That had good success as well, by all accounts. Although one poor crater had got a yes, he felt that her brother would'nt be too impressed. Well, thats what the court system is there for, and you never know, ya might get a few bob for it!

Car parking is going up in Cork, in an effort to make us all hop on public transport. Now, as many of you know, Im not too pushed when it comes to the green issue's. Sure I recycle and so on, but thats it. If a polar bear dies every time I leave the TV on standby, then Im not going to be losing sleep. As has been mentioned before, when there's polar bears out in the back garden rummaging around for food, then I'll plug out the TV. But, Im a big fan of public transport. I think the Subway in NYC and the Tube in London are absolutely fantastic. That said, we have nothing like that here in Cork. Yeah, a few buses and a train, and credit where its due, I like using the Arrow in Cobh to get to the city centre. But thats it. I'd gladly use public transport every day if it suited me. If I could get a train to the radio station, happy days. I'd sell the car and save meself hundreds of € every month. But I cant, so I cant save meself a fortune. I'd much rather hand out €50 to Irish rail every month as opposed to €300 a month to a petrol station! But as it stands, the petrol station's look after me better. The idea thats a few cent on the price of car-parking in the city will make us all use public transport, wont work. Its not enough if you ask me, and many agree. But before we're paying €20 an hour for the privilege of parking the bus, we need plenty of more buses and trains and they need to run at all times. Taxi's are the other option, and they do a great job. But it costs me €30 to get from the city centre to where I call home, so If I was going to Red, it'd be a bit more. If it costs €40 for that, thats €80 a day (back and forth) which in turn is €400 a week! Thats not finacially viabe either:( Anyway, more trains, more buses and for christ sake get that water taxi service up and running.