Im pretty sure hot water bottles have been around since Noah flung a few animals onto a glorified punt. So with that in mind I set off on Saturday to get a hwb for Gus, the latest arrival. Why does a puppy need a hot water bottle. Same reason the bear needed the rabbit to wipe its arse! I arrived in one of the nations better known home ware / supermarket outlets, confident in the fact the finding and indeed purchasing a HWB should pose no problems. I couldnt have been more wrong if I thought first gear actually meant reverse! A nice foreign national, who had little english eventually brought me to the kitchen department. Who was I to say where the hot water bottles should be kept. Kitchen Department, Bedroom Dept who knows, but she obviously knew more than me. After a quick hike she produced a flask off the shelf. Now it had been some time since Ive seen a hot water bottle, but I was positive it didnt look like something my mother would bring to farren woods!

"Im new here, you'll have to ask one of my friends" was the reply I got after explaining how HWB's worked. So I wandered around looking for anyone that might be her friend. Alas none could be found, but I did find a supervisor who had to ask someone else. She informed me, and anyone else within a half mile radius that they didnt have hot water bottles in stock, as it wasnt winter. Who'd have though HWB's were seasonal. At least now I know to keep my eyes on the catwalks for the winter collections of hot water bottles. After what seemed like a year, she instructed me to go off to a chemist. 10 minutes later, search party returned from said chemists stock room clutching, as far as I was concerned after all this, the holy grail. €10 later, 2 days on, and the HWB has been used!

So for any of you contemplating purchasing a hot water bottle for a puppy, a calf or some sexual fetish, give it another few weeks....it'll be in season then!