Late N Live Top 5 excuses if you forgot to buy someone a christmas present (20/12/04)

5 – Well, the reindeer ate it


4 – Hold on a second here, NOBODY forgets to buy someone a Christmas present


3 – Well what was the point, its going to be cheaper next week anyway


2 – Well last week I just turned jewish


1 – Ah who needs Christmas…ya want an easter egg instead!

Christmas Week

Well we're all into the final countdown to Christmas. Do people actually give a shit about it anymore...oh you dont, OK. Its my first Xmas in the new house and its supposed to be fun, people tell me. Well there aint no dancing clowns crashing through the window. So far its a hassle to get a turkey thats not the size of a small hippo. I must admit it doesnt feel like Christmas at all at all. Then again what is Christmas supposed to feel like. Santy Claus methinks!!! and thats it. Although we bought one of the Santa Pet suits for the dog. It looks cool, but hes shitless when its on.

We're trying to nail down alot on the show for our final week before we take a few days off. Santa WILL arrive this week on the show and you dont want to miss that, and of course we will be having the second celebrity christmas throughout the week. You'll never know who might drop by.

My christmas shopping is 47% done (dont ask how I got 47%) and the only chance Im going to get to do the rest of it is Xmas eve. Great no lie in this Friday. Im planning on being in town by 9am and out of it by 11am. Most of the stores say they'll close by 5.30 / 6, but by that time some of the staff are shagging each other on the counter and are closed up. So get in there early. My plans for the Christmas day are to visit the families in the morning and be home by 11 ish and cook up the turkey and whatever else. Stuffed by 3 and constipated by 3.15. Of course the other christmas day tradition is to watch shit loads of TV. Well there is SHIT loads on alright. Nothing much. A day of Jamie Oliver on UK Food. Might be good for an hour. Hopefully he'll be cooking a turkey. Then by 7pm its time for a turkey sandwich, great!

Well now

Well now is right. I havent been on here in quite a while. Ive been really busy with work and of course that feckin christmas thing thats going on. I did manage to take in 4 hours of the extended edition of Return of the King last week, wow really added to the movie. Tomorrow morning Im off to review Lemony Snicket, which Ive been waiting for ages for. Then the ol Red Xmas party Friday night.

Last night was a late one, didnt get home till quite late, after 3 to be precise. Working on an ol Santa sketch. Im sure most of you remember it from last year when we had Psycho Santa.

Out tha gap, laters!

Late N' Live Top 5 Updates

Late N Live Top 5 signs Santas elves are going to go on strike (6/12/04)

5 – Unbranded power tools


4 – Mrs Claus is always asking are all the elves body parts in proportion


3 – Got a better deal to walk around Disney land


2 – Ya know if we could have thought of a real good number 2, we would have read it out


1 – Cmon, its xmas, whens a better time to go on strike








Late N Live Top 5 predictions about Christmas this year (7/12/04)

5 – Chances of chips and curry with your turkey are between zero and nil


4 – You’ll be watching that damn wonka film


3 – That tv you bought will be five hundred euro cheaper in 5 days


2 – Its going to snow…as if!


1 – If your still classed as an adult, chances are santa wont be stopping by your house this year either







Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from a guy when your Christmas shopping (9/12/04)

5 – Unlike Santa, I don’t come once a year


4 – Ya don’t want to buy anything from that shop, I just robbed it


3 – What do ya mean I need mistletoe


2 – Lets face it your in such a shopping frenzy you cant even hear the people at the tills


1 – Mind if I wrap your box






Late N Live Top 5 signs your wife is having an affair with Santa Claus (13/12/04)

5 – She now calls your bedroom…Santas workshop


4 – Instead of posting the kids letters to santa, she just stuffs em down her pants


3 – Your new baby has white hair and a beard


2 – Shes always sitting on your knee!


1 – Shes was seriously impressed when santa said I can come down any chimney anywhere anytime






Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear from a reindeer
(14/12/04)

5 – Ho, Ho, Ho Ive just eaten Santa


4 – Ya wanna pull me a pint, my back is killing me from draggin around that big ass sleigh


3 – So then we were parked on the roof of this hotel and ol man Santa here was peeping in the windows


2 – We don’t actually fly, its all done with wires


1 – Does it get any stupider, who said reindeers can talk





Late N Live Top 5 things you don’t want to hear the morning after your Christmas party (15/12/04)

5 – Are you sure you’re the CEO


4 – Ive never seen anyone drink so much toner outa the photocopier


3 – I don’t care what we done, your still not getting a raise


2 – Thanks to you I now know that im gay


1 – Oh god, its Victor Barry

Xmas carry on

Well, we got around to it on Saturday afternoon. Bought a feckin big ol Christmas tree. We had to hack off a bit from the top as it was too tall, and we're now out of decorations...so more have to be bought over the next few days. Decorating the tree and the mess was a pain in the ass but what harm its getting there.

I must admit I have yet to get in the Xmas spirit. Probably not in the frame of mind yet as this is the first year in the new house. Hoo Haa!

Hi folks. Man its been a busy few days, been writing a new sketch for Xmas and its taking longer than I thought. Steve Guttenberg (Mahoney from Police Academy amongst many other movies) on next week, Keith Barry, Terri Irwin and god only knows what else. So its looking to be a helluva windup towards Xmas.

One of the stranger things to ever happen on air, happened last night. Well besides not having proper contact with VJ (tech issue, small thing but frustrated the crap outta me) this lady rang in and offered to cover him in yogurt and lick it off and then........yeah theres more...straddle him. Twas truly bizarre, but very entertaining judging by all the texts from people after she got off the air.

The weekend is here...thank god!!!!! Granted Ill be writing for a bit of it. For the rest of it, Christmas tree buying...........first time for everything I suppose. First Xmas in the new house, first time to buy a Xmas tree etc.etc.etc.etc............................etc.etc.

I robot will be on sale later on, so no doubt more money spent on DVDs :) Thats about it really................So I should drop by over the weekend!!!!

Late N Live Top things overheard in the queue for Santas Grotto (1/12/04)

5 – All this money to see Santa and hes more interested in letting your mother sit on his knee


4 – Is this the queue to buy them damn robots that were on the Late Late


3 – Great, we’re next to go into Santas hole


2 – If he asks you to pull anything, pull his beard and run


1 – Could someone please explain to me why theres a chimp called bubbles dressed as Santas helper

Top 5 for Tuesday

Late N Live Top 5 things overheard when the lights in Patrick street were being put up (30/11/04)

5 – Well, don’t be too careful. Theres a decent claim in this if we fall

4 – Ya think theyd fit onto me xmas tree at home

3 – Look the price tags still on

2 – What do ya think I am a chimp? Gimme that damn ladder

1 – How many times have I told you, don’t pull that wire…pull my wire

Late N Live Top 5 signs you know its under a month to Christmas (29/11/04)

5 – Well what did you think it was under a month too in November, EASTER??

4 – You put your foot through the ceiling trying to find the xmas tree in the attic

3 – You look at your bank balance

2 – Theres more alcohol in your house than in the local pub

1 – Your mother is buying them damn tins of USA biscuits

Todays been a good day so far. Ive got alot written for the show, to give it that special Xmas feel. Possibility of some really BIG names (ya dont wanna take a hit from that one mate) coming on the show as well, so fingers crossed. Our monday night Psychic last night was Elizabeth Joyce. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of single people and indeed relationship people who ring in, to find out about their love life.

Im slowly starting to prepare my Xmas list...and I mean slowly. The most important thing in my house for the next few weeks will be deciding what sort of tree to get. Maybe we'd get a real one, if that damn robot would clean up the mess.

Heres yer wodden bag. Im sure these used to be called chests