The one with Nappies

It’s been an interesting weekend to say the least. Friday night was spent eating and drinking far too much in Eleven West as part of Dine in Cork week. And after a few hours sleep we hit the road to the new River Lee Hotel on Western Road for our anti natal class.

From 10am until 545pm we sat and listened and yours truly changed his first nappy, in front of a bunch of strangers. Now, I’ve never changed a nappy or diaper (for the Americans reading) in my life. I’ve always found some excuse to get away from it, and in any case I think it’s the parents job to deal with their kids shit and piss. So I all too quickly volunteered to do a nappy change on a doll baby.

I stood there like a fool waiting for instructions, which in fairness the mid wife wanted me to do it myself. Anyway, nappy opened and left opened. Then I was instructed to clean the doll. My brain was clanking away thinking “Sure its a fuckin doll, whats there to clean. You’ll look like a right tool doing some invisible cleaning!”. But then, lo and behold when I pulled the nappy back, it was full of shit! I shit you not! Time slowed down as I tried to process the whole thing. I was then informed that the actual shit was Marmite. Trying to make light of the situation I said “Does anyone want to taste it to check” much to the dismay of everyone there. So if you thought you had a shitty weekend, think again!

Incidentally, I will never eat Marmite again! Sorry Marmite, but its not as if we were best friends anyway!

The one on a Friday

Jesus, this has been the worst week for blog updates in quite some time. (Not if your reading the Movie Bit blog I hear). For a million and one reasons that I can’t be arsed going into!

Anyway, the latest podcast is now available on iTunes so grab the bits while there fresh out my oven. Includes Gay parents amongst other bits from during the week!

Other than all of that, my back was fucked during the week, severely. At one point I couldn’t walk and while it has loosened to something resembling normality, it’s still a wee bit tender!

In other news, someone called me a cunt via text last night. Oh how I laughed! Thanks for that!

Y’all have a nice weekend now, ya hear!

THE ONE WITH A MISSING GUIDE DOG

On a serious note…

One of our blind Guide Dogs Owners has lost her guide dog  Mon 3rd May. The dog, a female Golden Retriever, aged 2 yrs, went missing from her garden at the Powdermills area of Ballincollig at around 10am. If anyone has any information please call Irish Guide Dogs on 1850 506300 or Ken on 0868369586.
Hopefully we can reunite the owner and her dog quickly. The lady in question is, understandably, very distraught.
The dog is micro-chipped but, unfortunately, was not wearing her official Guide Dog medallion at the time.

GERRY RYAN RIP

It wasn’t so long ago that I was in a hotel suite with a bunch of radio folk where a close colleague of Gerry was singing his praises. Little did I think I’d be typing about Gerry’s death a few short weeks later.

It’s been an incredibly sad day for the country as Gerry Ryan has moved onto the big radio show in the sky. Working in the institution that is radio, it’s even more painful to lose a fellow broadcaster. And not any old broadcaster. Personally I think Gerry was at the top of his game, and was at the peak for quite some time. Audience’s come and go and figures peak and dip, but the Ryan Line for most of the country was like an extended member of the family that normally sat on a shelf in the corner of a kitchen or on top of the fridge.

As I type this, I still can’t believe it. This wasn’t his time! And I’ve shed a few tears today as I sat in the car, outside my front door in the belting rain staring at the whole thing unfolding on Twitter. From my own perspective, doing a talk show, I take inspiration from only a very small handful of people. And Gerry was one of that few that I ever took inspiration from. His style, his wit and his grasp on an audience were second to none and it’s something I have tried to take on board and use as a source of inspiration.

I will sorely miss the man who has done so much for broadcasting in this country. And it brings a tear to the eye that I’ll never again hear the infamous G Ryan toned “Good morning”!

My thoughts are with his family and friends!

The Ryan Line may now be closed on the radio, but the line to Ryan is now open 24/7!

I’ll miss you Gerry!! RIP!!!!!!!!

THE ONE WITH IRON MAN

Should have a review of Iron Man 2 online this afternoon, peeps!!!

The one with tyres

The last time I checked, there is still a Recession on! You know the thing, business need everything they can get, people need to watch the cash as there is less of it around!

Well not down my way! Went off to get 2 tyres this morning. Arrived in the local tyre place in Cobh (I think there is only one). Of course I arrived at the wrong time, where everyone is slugging tea and eating foil wrapped sandwiches. Anyway, one bloke asked was I alright and when I told him what I was looking for, he replied, saying he wasn’t sure if the particular tyre was in stock! Now it isn’t a Monster Truck I’m driving and every single other time I’ve needed new tyres I’ve gone to the same place, with no problems. But these things happen. Its like a Coke machine running out of Coke, or Apple running out of Ipods and what not!

So…he said “2 Seconds and I’ll take a look”. “Grand” says I! So he toddles off and goes back propping up a wall drinking tea. The tea drinking went on for another few minutes, while I hung around like some hooker outside the building. Then some dude pulled up with a truck with a car on the back of it. The truck driver asked for a key to shift a car that was in the way. Of course the bloke that said he’s look after me in 2 seconds, thundered off looking for a key and then proceeded to shift said car!

See, I worked in retail for years. I managed a major retail store and I also ran a Corporate division for an I.T. company. So I have an idea about customer service. Going back to your little warm beverage, while leaving a customer standing around isn’t good customer service! Neither is running around doing other things, while the customer is still hanging around. After all, it’s the customer who pays your little wage!

“Fuck this!!” says I. So, I got into the car and drove off. The sad thing is these fuckin’ idiots have taken my money for years. I’ve always used them, ya know, supporting local and all that. And then this! The last time I checked, 2 seconds doesn’t equate into nearly 10 minutes.

I don’t have time for this kind of bullshit! But the recession is still on, so I understand you don’t need the business. I’ll gladly hand over my money to some crowd that actually need the business. And as I’m on it, I’ll NEVER ever go back to your business again!!! Good luck on the dole queue!

The one with Conan & Jimmy

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The one with this weeks podcasts

This weeks Movie Bit podcast is now available to download here. Date Night gets reviewed, Clint Eastwood is this weeks Flick Facts, The Irish Box Offce, I bitch about 3D conversion AGAIN and tonnes of audio clips including Iron Man 2 and Twilight Saga: Eclipse

And the latest best bits of Cork Talks Back is available here

I’m in a f$%ker of a bad mood today so there!

The one with the funny

Right, time to bring some funny to your Friday! As played out on the show last night.

Y’all have a nice weekend! Gurinder Chadha (Bend it like Beckham, Its a Wonderful Afterlife)on the Late Night Interview this Sunday amongst all the other madness!

The one with this weeks podcasts

They’re online a little earlier than usual! Grab ‘em here