The one with Belfast

A few months ago, I got a mad notion to go to Belfast on a short break. Primarily for a credit card melting trip to IKEA. She who must be obeyed agreed and on Tuesday last, we hit the road up North with the Sat Nav sucked onto the windscreen.


I was too miserable to buy new maps to for the Nav, knowing that the roads had changed since I got my last ones. In hindsight I should have forked out the extra few bob for the maps as it would have reduced "For fuck sake, it doesn't know they've put a flyover the roundabout" comments. Either way, we got to Belfast just after lunchtime. Excluding Toll central in Dublin and lets dig up Newry, we got there in just over 5 and half hours. A tiring drive, but bags were dropped and we headed out into an absolute miserable, rain soaked Belfast. We didn't have a great amount of time to shop, but we managed the 3 big ones in Belfast.

Queens Arcade was over faster than bad sex. But Castle Court and the Victoria Center all got some sterling and plastic love. We spent an age in a Tesco metro. And quite alot of it was spent with me moaning (as usual) "Why the fuck dont Tesco down south stock this?" Tesco own brand ibuofren (neurofen) 16 pack, 34p. Yup, 34p. I couldn't believe it either. They were flogging their own brand Aspirin for 13p. So after some unnecessary purchases the shopping centers, Urban outfitters and of course Forbidden Planet all got to see our wet asses. On the way back to the Hotel, Ger decided she wanted to go on the Belfast Eye. Similar to the London Eye only a wee bit smaller. Shes normally petrified of such things, but this time it was the other way round. For the first rotation, I very nearly shit myself and hit the panic button. She loved it!

We headed out that night to Cafe Vaudeville for dinner, which was fine. Nothing mind blowing, but nice none the less. The place looked amazing as it was an old Bank. All went well until some alarm went off and the kitchen shutters dropped down and a few fellas went running. Given the troubles that made their way through Belfast, you cant help but think for a split second. But it turned out to be the fire alarm. Another wet and miserable walk back through the wonderful city, concluded our only night in Belfast.

The following morning, we got up and decided to do one last bit of shopping. Starbucks fed us and by 10ish we were back in the room, ready to go.

Originally, we had planned to go the Giants Causeway after our trip to IKEA. From there we were heading to Donegal and then to Athlone to sleep. The weather was still absolutely shite, so the causeway was causing some doubts. Either way, we made our way to IKEA, which the Sat Nav brought us to the right location in a giant industrial park, but not the exact spot. 10 minutes later, I was blown away by the biggest store I have ever seen in my life. 4 hours later we were back in the car planning on renting a van for the next time. I cant fault IKEA at all. A wonderful experience, topped off with some fine Hot Dogs. £2.25 for 2 Hot Dogs and 2 Free Refillable drinks. I'm sure the IKEA staff are still laughing at my purchase of an entire slab of Non Alcoholic Kopparberg!

It was well after 2 when we got back to the car and decided, due to the weather to scrap Donegal and The Giants Causeway.


We arrived at the Athlone Springs Hotel after 6. After a wonderful drive through Northern Ireland. The following morning, after breakfast, we hit the road. If I had updated the maps on the Sat Nav, we wouldn't have got to see some fine Athlone countryside. Either way we got home after lunchtime!

Its amazing to think the history that has taken place in the North. All I ever knew about Belfast was killings, bombs and marching bands. But, Northern Ireland is a wonderful spot. Sure, I might have driven through spots where I wouldn't have fancied breaking down, like anywhere else. To sum up, we didn't get shot at, there were no bombs exploding and I cant wait to get back to Belfast. A wonderful city, with wonderful people and a wonderful atmosphere. Belfast is a credit to its people!!! We could well do with taking a leaf out of their book down here!


If you get the opportunity to get up there, by all means go!

The one with blog holidays

Righto, for the next 2 weeks Im kinda on blog holidays aswell as normal holidays. Keep checking back though (or add the blog to your reader) as I WILL be updating, but far less than usual!

I'll be back on air, Monday, August 18th, 9pm only on Corks RedFM!

The one with a few bits...

The one with whats going on with the show

Righto, tonight is the last Cork Talks Back for 2 weeks. Im on holidays and as we normally do, we shut it down. Chris Curtis will be in holding down the fort until Im back, which will be August 18th. The blog will also slow down a bit, but there will be some posts so keep checking back.

So after tonight, pencil August 18th, 9pm into your diary!

The one where................

Well, Ive been allowed to get the graphics on the blog back to normal. Life is wonderful.

Dont forget on Sunday night, its gonna be the last show for 2 weeks. And other than that, this is one of them shitty oul lazy blog updates. Ya know the ones, nothing but vids and stoopid pics!




Human Cat





Batman PSA

The one with something about later

Battle of the politicians 2 happening a little later on on the show!

Dont miss it!

The one with liquid nitrogen

Got some liquid nitrogen hanging around? Got a swimming pool? Well this should pass away a few minutes...

The one with swinging

Great and interesting reaction to the swinging topic last night. Many people were of the opinion that the swingers were dirty, slimy perverts. And a selection were saying fair play, if it floats your boat, put up your sail!


It was fascinating talking to the callers and how the whole scene works. Would it float my boat? as many wanted to know. I suppose to a point. Years of porn watching, probably has desensitised me to the whole thing. As the old saying goes, we'd all go for a look. And theres not much point going to the fairground or "da merries" without having a go on the bumpers. But as is the norm with the bumpers, be prepared to get hit from behind. Otherwise tell the other drivers to stay in front of ya.

But what happens if your performance is lack luster or ends quite early. What do you do then? Hang around, watch and try and get going again? Offer words of encouragement to the other swingers? Or maybe turn on the TV in another room and watch the news? I would imagine that for some people the thought of being in a room with a load of naked, horny folk would be quite exciting. It might be too exciting for that said few though. A tap on the shoulder could be enough to end someones evening prematurely.

The idea of an outside broadcast from a swinging party had crossed my mind, and its still in my mind if truth be told. I can imagine it now.
"This is Cork Talks Back with Victor Barry, hang on a sec, theres a couple having sex on top of the desk. Watch the mics folks will ye, there expensive. Anyway call us......."

I'm a very liberal person and quite open to lots of things. So whatever floats your boat, hoist the sail and sail on!

I should have been at Cork week!

The one with Harry Potter

For some time now, I've always been accused of not giving Harry Potter a fair go. And Im not about to give it a fair go. I can appreciate they hype and moolah old Ma Rowling has pulled in and how successful the movies are, but the thought of that young fella jumping around the place with a broom just makes me cringe. All the hocus pocus shite inspires me to reach into a bucket and hurl up me breakfast.

But, Ive decided to be nice this morning and put up a teaser trailer for the new Harry Potter and the Half dead Prince or whatever its called....

The one with a Spider Pig sequel

Well, the bottom of the barell has been scraped for the title and Ive just opened another one for the actual content. Hang on...right..something of interest..just in time for the lunchtime blog rush.

For years now theres always been a manner of strange shit making the news from, not Ballincollig, but China. You know the sort, man grows horns out of his head, 2 headed cats and a monkey that smokes cigarettes out of his arse. For quite some time now, Ive always wondered just what the fuck is in the water in China. Is it heroin? Is it that bug that got into the water supply in Galway? Is it Alien ejaculate? I really don't know, but its some crazy shit either way.

So, whats come out of China to warrant such a blogging....

Well, for those of you who are fans of the Simpson's movie, no doubt you will all have taken off your pants and skirts for the Spider pig part. You, like I, no doubt have sung that song on many occasions. Primarily at weddings and funerals no doubt. So with the Spider Pig in your mind...take a look at this......

"It’s hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!" Feng told Oriental Today. He says the piglet looks just like a monkey, with two thin lips, a small nose and two big eyes. Its rear legs are also much longer than its forelegs, causing it to jump instead of walk.

That's the lowdown. A monkey pig. Now is this the alien ejaculate that I spoke of, getting into the pigs drinking water. I'm no scientist, but I would think not. Is there some bizarre cross species breeding going on? Again, I'm no scientist, but Id imagine some horned up monkey is responsible for this. It may even be one of the monkeys that smoked fags from its hole. How does something like this happen? Were there dates and dinners? Was it planned? Or was it one of them "What dya mean you didnt wear a condom?" moments. Then; said monkey decided enough was enough, and his fetish for pig humping was over. He then went back to smoking fags from his backside. Up a tree somewhere.

I suppose whats happened in China; brings a whole new meaning to the game Cork Gentleman play, Pull the Pig!!!! Obviously this game has now spread to the indigenous monkey tribes of China!

Enjoy the rest of your lunch!