FNR

Last night saw our Ride For Life campaign being put on the back burner. I am confident that we dont need to be encouraging the Cork public to be concieving in the car park any more. I believe they have got the message, and the City is well on the way to coming level at the least, with the population of the county. Im not asking for any medals or anything, Im just glad we were able to help. Roll on the next Census.

The Feed Nicole Richie campaign kicked off officially this morning, as Im sure you can see with the official posters below this text. Years ago when I was younger, ok many moons ago, my mother always thought me an important message. She said that I should never inquire to friends, as to what they had for dinner. She concluded by saying it was rude. So for the last 30 years I have never once asked anyone what they ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I concede that I did ask Dave Mac on occasion what he consumed, but this was for show purposes. Today, for the first time, I asked myself "What does Nicole Richie eat for dinner?" After much deliberating and even soul searching I came up with an answer. I know most of you are saying she doesnt eat anything and you are all WRONG. Nicole Richie does eat, and like most of us, she eats the wrong things. How Ms. Richie can sit down to a big plate full of air, and think its healthy is beyond me. Yes folks, she eats. While it may be air, of varying degrees, she does eat. With my Feed Nicole Richie campaign, my aim is to ensure she eats normal food. Junk food or otherwise. Hopefully all the donations will provide Nicole with a quarter pounder with cheese as opposed to her daily canister of compressed air. The benefits of being so thin are far and few between. Ive never been at a party with Nicole Richie in attendance, but I wouldnt mind attending one in the future. Id imagine she'd be impossible to get close to due to her plethora of party tricks. Party goers would be queing up to open their bottles of beer off her hip bones. When that got boring, Nicole would bend down and revlers would simply open their beer off her shoulder blades. My FNR campaign may or may not work. Chances are it wont, but if the Goal or Trocaire people are reading this, why not drop off a box of that plumpy nut mush to Beverley Hills. The even more ironic thing is that, Nicole is American and its the first time Ive heard of a hungry yank.

Besides the posters, the FNR campaign has also an official wallpaper for your desktop. Simply click on the image, Save As and set it as your wallpaper!

FNR Campaign Kicks Off

Make sure to click the images to enlarge!

Hoody

We were so busy with Get it off your Chest last night, that I didnt manage to get anything off my Chest. Yesterday afternoon, I was driving home from another tasty Sunday lunch cooked by my mother. A Honda Civic (what else!!!) was driving in front of me, manned by 5 "lads". Those of you who didnt stay in bed all day yesterday, due to a bad night before, will have been well aware of how humid the place was. In the back of the Civic (again I say what else?) were 3 lads, all more or less sitting too close to each other. One was wearing a hoody, with the hood up, in the back of a Honda Civic. It made me laugh, normally its the driver that has the hood up, in a Honda Civic (What else). In my miniscule collection of clothing there are at least 1 hoody. I wear it now and again, and on occasion, when its bucketing down I put the hood up. I have alot of time on my hands, and I spent the best part of the last 24 hours, quandering over why some "lad" would want to wear a hoody, with the hood up in the back of a Civic. The Civic has long been the staple insurance struggle for the boy racer, not car enthusiast. The wearing of ones hood in an upright manner, in the back of a Civic, may well be percieved to be cool amongst the 18" spinning rim, 92 Opel Corsa owners. So for Christs sake, if theres any other "lads" out there who enjoy wearing a hoody, with the hood up in a car, make sure your the bloody driver.

On Saturday afternoon I took a trip to Mallow, with the loved one. After wandering around I have to say I was suitably impressed. Parts of Mallow have been completely redeveloped, in particular where the Pizza Hut and Subway are. The only problem was, when we decided that it was time to embark on the journey home, I took a wrong turn. Now I know some of you are saying "How hard can it be to get back to Cork city from Mallow?" Its simple really. I took a wrong turn and ended up on the Dairygold raceway. It wasnt long though, before I realised I was on the right road to Cork, but I might never see Shandon again. 2 Dairygold trucks had the foot to the floor, nearly wiping me and some other hapless motorists off the road. All in a 50kmh zone. I dont know whether they had a bet on, their dinner was getting cold or if they had left the emersion on (inspired joke from Desmod Bishop). Dont trucks have limiters? Either way, Im not sure who won the race, but the milk they were carrying would have been turned into a nice buttery like substance.

Another Friday rolls in!

Another week over, another pay packet arrives in the bank and another load of bills sorted out (I hope). Its been a long week for some reason or another, that I cant be bothered delving into. This is the first weekend in I dont know how long that theres not some "social gathering" going on, be that weddings, dinner parties or funerals. Im looking forward to just doing nothing. Speaking of, theres a humid cloud in the house, almost like the volcanic one that was in Pompei.

That Friday feeling, yes the one thats endorsed by Cadbury, doesnt seem to be around today. The whole place seems grey, as a matter of fact it feels like a November Thursday. Maybe its me, but walking around Midleton earlier on, the vibe seems to be the same. I havent heard or looked at the news today, so maybe some major head of state somewhere has been caught without a parachute on a parachute jump, and we're all mourning. The previously mentioned humid cloud is after penetrating my head, more than likley through my nostrils. Is it the idiotic drivers around East Cork? One I came across today, seemed to think he was driving some form of road going Airbus. He obviously needed 2 lanes for the wings of his pothole pounding aircraft. Im sure the wings hit the walls around Fota. Maybe its the tourists meandering around the place, with the "Oh Its Ireland, its gonna be wet" look upon their faces. If they wanted bloody sunshine, they should have went where the entire population of Cork goes....Santa Ponsa.

The one saving grace of today so far, was the Ninety Nine Knights demo for the 360, on Xbox Live. There is a staggering amount of action in this game, with more things running around than in the vast pubic regions of brothel employees. The thing is tough though, I can only last about 5 minutes in the game. Just as well Im not in that brothel then. At least the game is free.

Anyway, Im going off to be more miserable! Have a good weekend, and dont forget Get it off your chest Sunday, this Sunday from 10


Oh yeah, one last thing...

Im late today, so there shall be no posting until I get the results of the test back...er...Im a bit behind, update to follow llaaaaaaaaattttteeeerrrrrrrrrr...apologies to all!

Rendezvous

On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur. No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit. The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets. Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the film went underground until a DVD release a few years ago. --------------------------------------- All I have to say is, what a way for the pigeons to go. Beats colliding with a telephone wire any day!

From a Listener

From last night! Thanks John ;)


Send your camera phone pics to corktalksback@redfm.ie

Again, dont bother asking!

A trip down (or is it up, maybe its out) to Bandon was required early this morning. Had to have a quick check on the new car, and Im told tis all normal. Besides feeling like a fool (a reassured fool none the less) I got to take a wander around Bandon itself for around an hour and a bit. I havent been wandering around there in years, and I have to say its very like Cork city center. Buggys rule the footpaths, screaming kids and big ass hoop ear rings abound. Either way I enjoyed the romp around the land of Graham Norton. I even found a savage pair of shoes for 20 quid. Granted, I didnt buy them, because as much as I fitted into them, I would be crippled by now. Theres fitting in and theres squeezing in. How do the women do it all the time. Well check 10 womens feet, in particular their baby toe. I gurantee at least 9 of them well have a crushed, almost smashed baba toe. Why, becuase they want to squeeze into a smaller size shoe. So I decided to leave my feminine side at home.

Before we went off the air last night, I was speaking briefly about the mad strawberry sellers. Well, there was only one purveyor of the red fruit on the way to Bandon this morning. I had hoped to see the sign "Wexford Strawberries for Sale Ahead", but alas no I didnt. All I got was some sign that read "Strawberries 200M" and after travelling at least a mile I finally spotted the seller, who as per usual like the rest of them like quite fed up and pissed off. A tape measure would have been handy though, for the seller to get the signage distant correct. I know its only a small thing, but it all helps. God forbid some large American would pull in after 200 meters and get lost looking for the Strawberry seller!

On a final note, the Peta crowd are saying we should be feeding our pets vegetarian dishes. I can appreciate that Pam Anderson goes naked for those lunatics, but they should all be locked up. Im off to have a BEEF STIR FRY!!!! READ THAT PETA PEOPLE!







Yes.... A BEEF STIR FRY, WITH DEAD CARVED UP COW!!!!!

What is it with people in shops. More so the customers after they get their change. Why must they fumble about with the change and the reciept like a chimp whos got a shiny new toy. Just yesterday, a crisis struck in the house. No milk and no diluting orange (Im off the fizzy stuff, well trying to). I battled with motorists to get to the shop, endured toenail melting heat and managed to pick up the bread and the orange quicker than George Michael got caught fumbling around with that 58 year old van driver. Yet I had to stand behind some fecker who spent more time rooting around in his wallet trying to find the money to pay for whatever he was buying. He spent even more time rooting around, making room to put the change back in. But why do it at the counter, and why hold me up in the process. There should be signs up in shops stating "Please step away from the counter as soon as you get your change. No loitering!!!!" I spent more time standing around behind this guy than wandering around the shop and driving up there. If you have to root around in your wallet, things are probably tough, I know. I root more than a tree, but at least I do it in a comfortable, quiet, private place. Not in front of the fecking counter!!!!!!

It was nice to have a night off last night, particualry after spending the last 2 weeks in bed. Well actually it wasnt. Got to see the second last episode of the the current series of Top Gear and that was about it. I decided to take the new car for a spin and spent the next 2 hours trying to find a loud rattle. Was it the bones of some small animal I rolled over? Was it someone in the boot? Was it one of the corpus christi crew casting a spell? Either way it was none of the above, and I couldnt figure it out. This got the blood boiling, but soon had to came down as I didnt want to be paying any more visits to the South Infirmary. Same thing again this morning. Maybe it was the 10 hours sleep I got last night, but I figured out that my sunglasses were loose in the sunglasses holder. Why it sounded like something in the glove box will go down as one of the many of histories amazing mysteries.

According to some website, that I cant be bothered cutting and pasting there is 73% humidity in Cork today. This feels accurate enough for my liking. While theres no toenail melting sunshine, the humidity is worse as far as Im concerned. Im stuck here in boxer shorts and a t-shirt contemplating sitting in the fridge for an hour. While the sunshine puts most of us in a good mood, the humidity is enough for me to go back to South Infirmary. I cant stand it! I know it could be worse, we could be living in France and be terrified of dying from the heat. 23 people dead so far, and the French Government are saying it they wont allow thousands to die like it did in 2003. If I were in France right now, Id be after robbing a big Air Con unit, and like He-Man, battle off the heat wave with a big Air Con machine.

Anyway thats enough of my moaning, Im off to find BattleCat!