The one with a seriously big ass Croc

Thats alot of boots, bags or eaten people!

Biggest Crocodile Ever Captured - Watch more Funny Videos

The one with Joaquin Bale

Legit or not??? Either way, it stinks and I mean really stinks of Andy Kaufman!

The one with a woman losing her mind because of Shark Fin soup

Today is Thursday, its been a long week! Lazy post for now...Check this wan out! Imagine losing it like that in Hillbillies if they ran out of curry!

The one with how not to break boards with your head

Your moving back! Right ya!

The one with the Soft Drink Generator

Say goodbye to the rest of your day! Its back working again!

http://www.says-it.com/softdrink/bottle.php

Heres one I made earlier (!)

The one with Ketchup pain

Ive got a fairly busy day ahead. Lots to do and lots to be done. So I decided to struggle this morning and get up a bit earlier. Not sure why I decided to do that, given that its a looonnngg day. But as the old saying goes, shit happens!

About 45 minutes ago, I decided to make breakfast. There was a few sausages and rashers lying around in the fridge (one was stuck to the door) and they just seduced me to eat them. So after the seduction, I put the little bits of piggy on the griddle pan and left them to slowly cook. If you ask me, sausages need to be cooked slowly, you just get the best out of them to be honest. You fry them fuckers too quick, and they just wont co-operate when they get inside your gob. So using Internet time*, I cooked up the pork.

2 slices of bread were inserted into the toaster, and when the time came, my 2 rashers were introduced to the pork orgy in the pan. Another few minutes pass by, all the time I'm on the laptop, tweeting bullshit and generally doing nothing much online. 

The time arrives for me to have my wicked way with the pork orgy. Skillfully I introduce a device to get them from their pan of pleasure to my plate. I tell them the orgy will continue in my mouth. The rashers and sausages are so indulged in their porkfest, they don't take much notice of what I'm saying. Then I hear a little porky voice.

"Vic, lets kink this shit up! Cover us in a little ketchup"

So, not wanting to be the one to spoil the party, I go to the fridge for some of the fine ass 57 varieties. Then, out of nowhere, alarm bells go ringing in my head. My mind darts back to my garage stop last night. I had to get petrol. I recall thinking about buying a loaf of bread, but I decided against it. Nothing personal or anything toward to the bread. Besides not wanting to run out of petrol on the South Ring and being laughed at by some "dude" in a Nike stripe wearing punto, I also needed ketchup.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK

I didnt even think of getting the redness!

I take the ketchup out of the fridge and gaze into the bottle. Like a fallen comrade in battle, I know its too late. Theres a little life left in him, but not much. It wont be long. I squeeze the living shit out of the bottle. The gooey red liquid erupts, like a bullet exiting a skull, out of the bottle. Its not long before the fart sound emits from the bottle. This to me, as a ketchup addict, is the sound of death. I've heard it before. But at least Im safe in the knowledge that I can handle this very grim situation. Death is seconds away. I pick up the nearest knife, and like a crazed alcoholic lapping up spilt booze off the floor, I scrape the last of the sauce out of the bottle. 

The pork orgy continues in a jacuzzi of Heinz and all is well with the world. Except now, I really am out of ketchup. FFS

Here is a picture of my fallen comrade. RIP. Notice the pieces hanging on for dear life at the top. Its like the end of Titanic!

*Internet Time = 5 minutes surfing = 20 minutes of normal time. Great for cooking, or losing days.

The one with the worlds fattest monkey

Owners need shooting!

The one with voting!

Voting closes on Friday. I know people are used to voting for cowboys, but get voting for the lads! There not 100% cowboy's yet! No horses by all accounts!

The one with the Movie Bit's, bits

Hangover - Funny cos of the Tyson Cameo and "I married a whore". Smells like Very Bad things!


Star Trek Latest Trailer - I would never take my pants off for ST , but this trailer has me thinking about looseing the belt a notch


Public Enemies Trailer here as posted earlier in the week and Wolverine here

Harry Potter 6 Latest Trailer

The one with the mini movie review - Watchmen

This may be a little more than mini!

People have been waiting for years for the big screen version of, what Time magazine classes as one of the top 100 novels since 1923, for donkeys years. And so it arrives. Directed by the same bloke that done such a fine job with 300. Zack Snyder, some might say, has done the impossible by delivering a very faithful version of Alan Moores novel.

Essentially Watchmen is a whodunit. It revolves around a group of "super" heroes, and only one of them has any super powers, due to an accident. Thus Dr. Manhattan is born. The rest of them just dress up as super heroes. That said, they can all kick some serious shit out of people. One of them gets murdered and the rest, in their old(er) age are wondering why and who. All at a time where "super" heroes aren't really loved and respected the way they once were. 

There's plenty of flashback montages about the old times (and these kinda pop up almost as frequently as they do in Family guy) which set the scene for what the characters once were. While this is going on, Rorshach is off trying to figure out whats going on, kinda like Magnum, but with more violence. Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre eventually decide to get the band back together as the impending Doomsday clock counts down to human annihilation via a good dose of Nukes. And Dr.Manhattan has fecked off to Mars because he's sick to shit of planet earth after he breaks up with his oul doll. And don't forget the rumours that anyone he's stuck his giant blue penis into has got cancer. 

Will he come back from Mars and save mankind? Or will he just say "Fuck it" and build a martian supermarket.

This is a long flick, clocking in at over 2.5 hours. So don't expect to be getting up and going home for 90 mins. Also, keep the draining of your bladder till afterwards. Theres alot happening in this flick and you really dont want to miss anything. I wonder how people, who HAVEN'T read the graphic novel, will feel about the movie? Because its not as straight forward as Hulk Smash or donning a red cape, it may not have instant appeal to your average Joe. Should you read the original? I'm not sure to be honest. Its extremely faithful to the graphic novel, but as a movie on its own, I do actually think it stands its own ground. It'd probably help if you've read the novel, but I don't think its a must! Certainly, if the movie has tickled your fancy, go off and read the original. As, like most of these things, its always better.

At times, its a little bit slow, but, like the original novel, it sucks you in. Watchmen plods along and then sprints and then plods and then sprints. All the time while sucking you in, to the point where you don't really pay any attention to a big, blue penis. Its just a part of life.

The violence is phenomenal. Bones hang off ceilings, Bones snap through arms and angle grinders are used to great effect. Certainly not for the weak of heart or stomach. Surrounding the violence, theres, no shortage of slo-mo. If they halved the slow motion sequences, then they probably would have shaved a good few minutes off the running time. It can get a little bit annoying at times, but at least the sex is in slo-mo. Which is no bad thing. Makes me wonder why more porn isn't shot this way!

I wonder what Alan Moore thinks? The last thing I read he was gone off to worship the Dark Lord. He demanded that he does not be credited on the film.  Will he go off and see his creation on the big screen? or will he just stick to sacrificing badgers to the devil. I dont think he'd be disappointed!

Its super violent, its well shot, its a great story and there has been so much heart and passion hurled into this movie from Zack Snyder, who has remained maybe, too faithful to Alan Moore. I wonder did Snyder subconsciously try and please Moore, given that he has always said his amazing graphic novel was unfilmable. Maybe there was a point to be proven. This is certainly a labour of love. I just wonder will alot of it, be lost on the average joe who may have went to see confessions of a shopaholic last week!

I've been looking forward to Watchmen for quite some time now. And as hard as I tried, I still got sucked into the hype. And like the Dark Knight, where again I fell to the hype, I think this will get better the second time round!

Either way, I enjoyed Watchmen. Its a break from the normal superhero / comic book flick. Its not cheesy. Its got a great story, great set pieces and plenty of blue penises.

While my pants were'nt completely off, but they were down around my ankles!

The Watchmen just got watched - It does indeed rock! 8.5/10