The one that has no dancing chimps

Like the title says, no dancing chimps in this one!

Ignorant pigs! If Im gonna moan about something, I may as well have a go at ignorant pigs of people. I stood in a longish line in a deli the other day. They ran out of rolls at the counter, so I obliged and moved 5 foot to grab a roll off the shelf. Like a vulture after spotting a rotting carcass, an absolute pig of a woman decide to swoop in and take my place. The same pig stood was standing behind me in the line. Either way, within 3 seconds I was back to find my place taken and the said pig ordering a half chicken. I found it amazing she was'nt ordering a full one, the pig! So, being the polite gentleman I am, I decided to let it slide. Then she decided to order a whole heap of other shite.

Well, that straw broke this camels back and I decided to say "I was in front of you" to which she responded in her pig language something along the lines of "You weeeenttt awaaaaayyyy". So there was a bit of raised voice's on my behalf and the words f$%k and ignorant were used in the direction of the pig. She then decided to grab her stuff, knowing she was in the wrong and walk off. Fearing there may be a scene like something out of a Resident Evil movie, a member of staff came over and promptly got me what I wanted. Either way, I absolutely cant, in no uncertain terms, tolerate ignorant f$%king pigs like that wan! And if your reading this, I hope you choked on your chicken, YOU PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rooooaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! Time to get out the inflatable punch bag!

The one where theres something, but not sure what it is yet!

Well....its Thursday. Its lunchtime Thursday to be precise....................If I knew how much it cost, I'd probably be saying the price of bread is terrible. But I don't pay attention to bread prices. Its not because when I use the loo, I shit vast quantities of money. Far from it! Maybe a 5 pence as a child, but that was due to putting money in my mouth.

In a week of lack luster blog updates and a serious of propaganda regarding one of my work colleagues seriously injuring himself in a skiing accident, it may well be time to just hang up the keyboard for the week.

For anyone that's interested, I came across a decent recipe for cheesecake yesterday and decided to have a lash. It turned out great, but if truth be told (and it always is on this blog) it needed more vanilla extract. Vanilla extract is feckin expensive, nearly six quid a bottle. Then I need cream cheese, 3 blocks, which cost over another 6 quid. Then a tub of creme fraiche, which cost a euro. With the exception of the creme fraiche, making a cheese cake is bloody expensive. And don't even get me started on the price of biscuits for the base. Well, at least the bread is cheap. I think!!!!

The one with a decent update...maybe...

The dreaded double bank holiday is over. While I'm not complaining with a night off, it just takes so long to get back to normality. The Tuesday after a bank holiday may as well be another bank holiday because people don't seem to get back into the swing of things until Wednesday! Anyway, BH rant over, as shit as it seemed.

Easter Monday was spent moaning about getting up too late and so on . But I did manage to end up in Amicus for an early dinner. I'm a fan of the place, but Monday's excursion for a Sicilian Curry turned out to be more of a Sicilian Curry soup more that anything else. But I did get a nice photo, looking down the South Mall!



In other news, KC is all in one piece and didn't break any limbs...yet. Himself and Eddie the Eagle are broadcasting from Andorra all week long. If you check out Eddie the Eagles blog, theres a selection of pictures with the 2 lads dressed up like the bad guys, from one of the earlier Metal Gear Solid video games!

Plenty of reaction to Bertie allegedly handing over the reigns of the pony to Brian Cowen last night. While the Mahon Trib. is on the final furlong (thank fuck!) and adopting the Mastermind policy of "I've started so I'll finish" many people agree that the eyes have been taking off the ball. The opposition need to really stop lobbing grenades into the government and the gang of ministers and back benchers really need to stop defending and scurrying to throw the grenades back out. The country has almost been held to ransom over the last couple of years because of the tribunal. Don't get me wrong, if Bertie has done something wrong then he like any other politician, needs to get a foot well in truly planted in his arse. I made a very simple suggestion to Noel O Flynn and Jerry Buttimer last night, and that was when put under the gun from the media when it comes to all things Bertie, just use the magic words of "NO COMMENT". If all parties can adopt a strategy like that, then maybe the country can get back to being run properly and the opposition parties can go moaning about something worth moaning about!

And on a final note, an honest R&B song!



Till 9, stay in line!

The one with a ski crash

Just got this in me email. I believe its KC in Andorra! Rooster broadcasting all week from the snowy slopes of Andorra!!!!

The one with token post Monday

Another day, another token post. At least you didnt come here for nothing!!!!

The one with Easter

Happy Easter and all that jazz. And yes, I know its late!!!!

The sistible one!!!!!

The one with Hypnosis

As featured in the ten hour last night, another wonderful group of RedFM listeners get hypnotised, with hypnostis Paul Dee. Check the vids!!!

The one with musicals

Here la....




Lots of stuff going on tonight on the show, Dial a Date, Paul Dee, Anne Sexton, weekends away, Alleged News, Dave Macs jocks and who knows what else! So lots of stuff on the show, not too much on here though.

Other than nothing going on, Im slowly losing many hours of sleep to MLB 08 : The Show on the PS3. Yup, baseball. One of the best sports games I've ever had the pleasure to play! Pity I dont understand anything about the game itself, but life is full of little things you havent got a dogs furry pair of bollocks about!!!!!

The one with the sexiest jocks ever!!!

Guess the member of RedFM staff....

The one with muppets and putdowns..

As promised....firstly these.....

• Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers. To Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"
• Mrs Merton - The Mrs Merton Show. To Debbie McGee: "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
• Edmund Blackadder - Blackadder II. To Lord Percy: "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?"
• Roseanne Conner - Roseanne. To husband Dan: "Your idea of romance is popping the can away from my face."
• Father Jack Hackett - Father Ted. "Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!"
• Carla - Cheers. Cliff: "I'm ashamed God made me a man." Carla: "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it either."
• Patsy Stone - Absolutely Fabulous. "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."
• Jim Royle - The Royle Family. Nana: "Is this hat too far forward?" Jim: "No. We can still see your face."
• Malcolm Tucker - The Thick Of It. To a junior minister: "All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!"
• Statler and Waldorf - The Muppet Show. Statler: "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show." Waldorf: "Who's a fool? You watched it."
• Inspector Monkfish - The Fast Show. To a bereaved woman: "I realise this must be a very difficult time for you, so put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea."
• No Offence - The Fast Show. "I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring which, given your age, means you're divorced or a lesbian."
• Rupert Rigsby - Rising Damp. To lodger Alan, who complains his room is too cold to study in: "The only thing you study is your navel. You even shave lying down."
• Nan - The Catherine Tate Show. Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.' So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."'
• The Professor - The Mary Whitehouse Experience. "I have here a copy of your book, Origins of the Crimean War. It smells of poo." "That's because it's been inside your mum's bra."
• Alf Garnett - Till Death Us Do Part. "You Scouse git!"
• Alexis Carrington - Dynasty. "I'm glad to see your father had your teeth fixed - if not your mouth."
• JR Ewing - Dallas. "Ray never was comfortable eating with the family - we do use knives and forks."
• Dr Perry Cox - Scrubs. Dr Elliot Reid: "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men altogether." Dr Cox: "Then on behalf of men everywhere - and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in little mud huts - let me be the first to say thanks and hallelujah."
• Dr Gregory House - House. "You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to stop thinking."
• Gary Strang - Men Behaving Badly. "Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is if you're both marooned on a desert island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex."
• Arnold Rimmer - Red Dwarf. "Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence."
• Larry David - Curb Your Enthusiasm. "Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."
• Sam Tyler - Life On Mars. To Gene Hunt: "I think you've forgotten who you're talking to." Sam: "An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?"
• Captain Mainwaring - Dad's Army. "You stupid boy!"

And now






And finally, obligatory random Fawly Towers clip....




Good night!

The one with a dancing walrus

Another "one of them" updates....

The one with on a day with bad weather

Well, the bin blew over, as did the bird table. Lets not forget the 4 tonne parsol, which ploughed a nice furrow in the garden. Looking through the blinds like some half naked peeping tom, the weather is bad. The forecast get it right again. World stops turning, millions applaud. World starts turning again and the millions and millions of the Rocks fans (what!!!), er, life goes back to normal.

From the picture above, Im sure 4 of you will discern I was in Garryvoe yesterday. Amazing weather, pity about the wind. Then a few hours later..... well Im sure you can remember yesterday evening.

I dont know about you, but this blog update is fairly disjointed so Im going to go now, before the wind takes me away (not much chance of that....) but I'll leave you with another pic and the trailer of the movie I was blowing on about last night...


Weekend aways compliments of Eddie Rockets up for grabs tonight and all week!

The one on a Sunday!

This is all................

The one with token post Thursday

Token post. That is all........really it is. Nothing else to see, read or ponder! Bar this clown...

The one where theres relationship advice and some bloke made of Iron

On the back of one of the topics on the last nights show, where 83% of people voted saying that the man should pay for the first date. Be that cinema, pub, club, dinner or whatever. Not one vote saying the lady should pay for it. Not one! Whats wrong with these men? Here's my take on it. Lets take your average high end date.

Drinks (before dinner) €20
Dinner (inc btl wine, 3 courses, coffee etc) €150
Cinema including food €30 (not much room for popcorn after big feed, but none the less)

So, those of you with calculators for brains will be after adding the total up and coming to the grand ol figure of €200. Which isn't alot of money to spend on one night with more or less a complete stranger. I'm sure some would say "Christ, 200 notes for that!!!! I'll get meself an "escort" " If a bloke has to impress (and I use the word loosely) a bird by spending a small fortune on a first date then theres not much hope. What happens on the second date? Man pays! What happens on the third date? Man pays! What happens when man removes his underpants and woman isn't impressed? Man pays for surgery!!!!

Just in my own little humble opinion if I were unfortunate enough to end up single again and I was expected to dish out that kinda money to impress someone, well in the words of many great people around the world "FUCK THAT!!!" There is a group of ladies (as there is a group of these guys) who expect everything is paid for on a first date and so on. Don't anybody bother throwing the chivalry comment in. That's bollocks!!! Chivalry is about opening doors, having manners and coming running when the bog roll runs out. I think at the very least an offer to go dutch has to be made, once man decides "I'll get this". At least with an offer your not made feel like a walking ATM. And yes, that's my phrase!!!!!!!

(CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

One of the other insane reasons I got last night was "If he asked me out, then he should pay" and by all accounts that was related to old teachings. Maybe I missed out on this, back in the day. I obviously missed the flight to Tibet. I obviously missed the 5 day hike up the side of a hazardous mountain. I obviously missed the 6 month "You ask, you pay" course with a group of some arse kicking monks. But, as the old saying goes "A fool and his money is soon parted". As much as that is the biggest pile of cheddar, its true. If theres someone out there who's paying for shit constantly (be you male of female) then you deserve to be taken to the cleaners, you big walking ATM.....you!!!! I wonder where they insert the ATM card!!!!! Horses wear blinkers, not humans.


Before anybody starts crying, I'm not saying everyone is like that. Far from it!!! Anyway, mad, angry and slightly humorous rant over. In other news, here's the latest trailer from what is shaping up to be one of the best comic book adaptions of all time!

The one with nothing in the title

Unlike the title, Im sure they'll be something in here. Or is there................





















Oh go on then! Right, the little princess video from last night is located here. There were plenty of good kick up the hole texts coming in, but its the parents who need more than a good kicking. The whole super sweet 16 style of life makes me want to vomit up the hang sangwitch I had for lunch 30 minutes ago. As a matter of fact anytime I witness this kind of asshole behavior I feel like puking. Even if theres nothing in my stomach, I'd manage a drop of bile or something! No doubt theres someone reading this going, dont be such a begrudging shit! Well, are you in the video??? Are you??? Would you treat your kids like that, or rather let your kids treat you like that!

For years we've been fortunate enough to have a wide selection of tv show's that specilise in showing average joes getting mauled by wild animals.....mainly in Zoo's. While its a terrible thing to happen, some of these maulee's go looking for it. Let's face it, you start prodding a Panda or Wolf with a stick or get to close to its enclosure and chances are, you'll get your arse handed to you in a nice homemade bag of intestines. Some of these parents, who obviously have lost touch with reality should surely have no problem wandering into a lion enclosure. Maybe then, just before a big ass paw swipes a big bloody hole in their throat, they'll suddenly go "Hang on, whats going on. What am I doing. Thus being brought back to reality in the back of an ambulance. And if said little brat then still complains, then bring on some more Panda pain!



In other news, there was a big VIP Limo night in Club Light last Friday night. Check the link for more pictures. I got an oul spin in the Limo and the only thing it doesnt have is a cooker and built in oven. Absolutely gigantic. Biggest thing I've been in since.....anyway moving along I managed to finish Devil May Cry 4 on the PS3 and dont think I've enjoyed a video game as much since Gears of War or Uncharted. If thats not enough news for ya, Im now off to make French Onion Soup!



Incidently, I've finally updated my blogroll on the right so if you have a blog and you wanna swap links, shoot me an email to vicbarryNOSPAMBASTARDS@gmail.com
Of course, make sure you delete the NOSPAMBASTARDS part.


Till 9 stay fine and dont let no panda eat your spine (Christ almighty)

The one with post 700. World stops turning!!!

Well its arrived. Post 700! And just for a split second the world stopped turning, well the wirless connection went dodgy for a second at least. This is going to be a neutral post to say the least. No bitching, moaning or "hilarious" comments. When I started this blog back on November 12th 2004 I didnt think it'd last this long. I thought, like lots of other things, I'd get bored and move on and probably spend my days whoring myself out on myspace or something. Like other more important day to day activities, you have good weeks and bad weeks. In the case of the blog, it had bad months, where there was more chance of someone getting free sex from a hooker than an update. But I kept the online musings going, due to some miracle and if truth be told I enjoy updating the thing. Yeah, at times the whole thing is tedious. It wrecks my head, but like the Loreal ad (kinda), tis worth it. The one thing I have noticed is the style of writing over the last 3 odd years. At the start I was writing at a Junior Infants level, but fast forward from then until now and Im writing at a 3rd class level.

The blog also got some recognition this year with the blog awards. While I wasnt at the awards ceremony myself, carrying women around on one arm (Mr. O Shea!!!!) it was nice to get a nod. Speaking (technically, writing at a 3rd class level) of the blog awards, well done to all the winners on the night.

So with that, post 700 comes to a more or less neutral close. The world may now start to turn again! Oh, one final thing........ KIDS ROCK as being played on the show!



Till 9, keep your arse in line!